Wheels in the Sky

Monday Morning Malaise

2011-07-25T11:03:00.000-07:00

Instead of working this morning (or, uh, taking a quick break from work) to browse my new favorite website HelloGiggles, I came across this blog post about being grateful and it had this poem that I thought was like totally awesome, man.

Be Thankful
Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don’t know something
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations
Because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge
Because it will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes
They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you’re tired and weary
Because it means you’ve made a difference.
It is easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are
also thankful for the setbacks.
GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles
and they can become your blessings.
- Author Unknown

She got it from Zen Habits, so I tooled around that website and found some more awesomely cheesy stuff:

Life will suck if you are always wishing you’re doing something else. Life will rock if you realize you’re already doing the best thing ever.

And also this cheese-tastic quote:

Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.
~Lao Tzu

Now I just need someone to do some work for me.

Faith in Humanity - Partially Restored

2011-07-21T11:57:00.000-07:00

Since I imagine much of my life as a movie, I was thrilled to hear this story about a friend of Smiles.

"The nicest thing happened to me today walking home. It was *pouring*, and I didn't bring an umbrella. All of a sudden, I was dry and I looked up and a boy was walking alongside me, sharing his umbrella. He just smiled and I smiled and we both kept our iPods on, but I thought it was just so nice. No favor asked in return, no creepy flirting. Great."

Also, check out this video of this teacher in Mexico who calmed her students while there was a shoot out going on outside. No biggie. (Story via Feministing.org)

Read the story here if you don't speaka the Spanish.

More House-piration!

2011-04-01T10:34:00.001-07:00

Damn you, Yee, for getting me into this blog. I can't stop reading it! Plus, loading pictures is so much easier than writing words!

First up, lots of doors:

And now some DIY craft projects:
And some nautical functional stuff:

Cozy Beds!

2011-03-28T16:18:00.000-07:00

Because who doesn't like looking at pictures of beds when they're at work, wishing they were in their bed?

I Could Read House Blogs All Day

2011-03-23T13:02:00.002-07:00

Getting so many ideas for the house I don't own but someday will!

Outdoor lighting that will most likely end up with my calling the fire department:
Indoor lighting that might result in the same:
A light fixture project anyone could do:

Teeny tiny easels for art for the mantel perhaps? Postcards?
Childhood books = art when you put it in frames:
Going to look for driftwood next time I head to the beach:

Totally plan on painting something like this:

Can someone make me this headboard? Kthanxbai
Love this headboard meets mantle:
Feel like this headboard might be too creaky but it's cool looking:
Who needs a headboard when you can have stickers

I love frames and photos and admire anyone who can pull stuff like this off:

Project idea!

2010-12-02T09:47:00.000-08:00

It's day two (or day one with two entries) of Reverb 10 so I've got another thrilling blog post for you! All about blogging. Or writing.

Reverb 10 Prompt No. 2:

What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?

I'm not the hugest fan of this prompt because I'm a writer by trade. I spend most of my day writing presses releases and chatting online. Hmm. Maybe if I gchatted less, I could write more blog entries. Something to think about.

How Do You Capture a Year? In One Word?

2010-12-02T09:14:00.001-08:00

Since I'm the blogging equivalent of a high school dropout or Frenchy in "Grease," I figured Reverb 10 would be a great way to get back into blogging! "What in the Sam Hill is Reverb 10?" You ask? I'll tell ya!

The fancy schmancy explanation:

Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. The end of the year is an opportunity to reflect on what's happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead. With Reverb 10, we'll do both.

The Wheels explanation:

The folks over at Reverb 10 give some prompts, yes just like high school, and you answer them. They'll be about 2010 and 2011. Introspection ensues. Boom.

Blog Prompt No. 1:

Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

Hmm. Suddenly I'm thinking this Reverb 10 idea isn't smart. I feel like I'm in an awkward ice breaker in a room filled with women I don't like and there's no alcohol.

Wording 2010: Big Girl Pants

Over the course of the year, I would like to think that I've earned some serious big girl pants. Using my handy dandy planner and blog entries, here are some of the big girl pants actives of 2010:

-Got out of a codependent relationship

-Moved out of a stifling living environment

-Moved out of my old place and into my new amazing place without any parental help

-Hung out with new people

-Put together my first piece of furniture and set up cable without any man help

-Passed along the majority of my shot glasses to my younger brothers - you don't need a shot glass when you work where I work, you need a pint glass to measure your liquor

-Bought a car

-Take said car on its first and second road trips

- Finagled the wide and scary world of car insurance and even stuck it to the man with my friend G$'s help!

-Went to my first real friend/non familial wedding

-Bought a toaster over (if that doesn't say adult, I don't know what does)

-Met someone I had never met in real life person and proceed to get black out drunk with her and others

-Learned how to live without three grandmas

-Joined a dating site and go on three dates (unsuccessful but that's not the point)

-Did my own taxes (on time) for the first time in my life

-Started and cultivated a lot of new friendships

-Took a vacation with my brothers without parents for our first time

-Bought an iPhone

-Sharted (but that's not really a big girl thing)

I think you get the picture.

Wording 2011: Happiness

Don't get me wrong, I'm a generally a pretty happy person. There are some things - Cowboys wins, missing people who are no longer with us, spilling coffee on myself on my way to work, my job a lot of times - that don't make me happy, but the good generally outweighs the bad.

In terms of the job, when you work at least 50 hours a week, usually more, at a place that you don't really like, it makes life hard. So it's my goal for 2011 to either find a new job or find ways to make this one better.

It means finding things outside of work that make me happy. Hobbies, spending more time with family and friends, gymming, la la la. Happiness!

What are your words for 2010 and 2011?

Talking About My Best Friend

2010-09-30T16:25:00.000-07:00

Today was like any other day. Get to work, get on gchat, talk to one of my best friends in the entire world, Drama. For your viewing pleasure, I've put some of our incredibly intellectual conversations in this entry.

On the two-month old baby of this girl with whom we went to UCSB:

Drama: hahahah Vapid Girl's baby is fat

Drama: ohmygod i just made fun of a baby. what is wrong with me, haha

Wheels: hahahahahahhahahahahahah. that is why we're friends

Wheels: did you see her friend's comment like omg it's fat

Drama: hahahahahaha'

Drama: hahahahahah. sorry, that was a double laugher

Wheels: hahahahah. But really, she's super fat

Drama: like, seriously, how does a baby get that fat? My baby is going to be super trim. lol

I took a trip to the bathroom and didn't want Drama to worry:

Wheels: I want you not to be worried if I don't write back right away. I'm attemping a coup de poop.

Drama: A tour de turd.

Wheels: A shitshow. May have had to seriously stifled bathroom cackling.

Wheels: An excremental experience.

Drama: Hahahahahahahahha

Wheels: I was thinking so hard about what to say next that I forgot about my mission: poopossible.

Drama: Omg ur on a roll

Wheels: Haha a toilet paper roll.

Lung Cancer = America's Most Wanted

2010-09-29T16:34:00.000-07:00

I meant to post this ages ago, but a few weeks ago, some friends and I took part in a 5K to raise money for lung cancer research. The event, which over 5,000 people participated in, was amazing and absolutely touching to see that many people care. If you'd like to donate, which you totally should, I recommend this foundation!

Facts About Lung Cancer

-Every three minutes, another person is diagnosed with lung cancer.

-Lung cancer is the number one cancer killer, taking more people than breast, prostrate, colon, liver, melanoma and kidney cancers combined.

-For every $9 spent on breast cancer, $1 is spent on lung cancer in the U.S.

-60 percent of newly diagnosed lung cancer patients either never smoked or quit smoking decades ago.

-The overall survival rate for lung cancer is 15.5 percent, the same as it was over 40 years ago.

-Over 450 people die every day from lung cancer, which works out to 19 per hour.

Musical Monday - YouTube Edition

2010-08-30T09:08:00.000-07:00

"Happy" Monday, y'all. Since my friend G$ was kind enough last night to show me what is very close to being the best YouTube video of life, I thought I'd show you my four favorite YouTube videos to jump start your Monday!

No. 1: Fremont is basically a parking lot with a mayor

No. 2: It's like an alarm clock

No. 3: It looks like a crackhead got ahold of the wrong stuff

No. 4: DANCING DOG!

My Grown-Up Weekend

2010-07-26T11:15:00.001-07:00

While this weekend may not have been the complete and utter shitshow that the one before was, it was weekend which held a different type of significance for I took another couple of steps towards adulthood.

One Small Step No. 1: Tool Time

For as long as I can remember, prior to this weekend, I had never assembled a piece of furniture by myself. I find the ordeal of figuring which bolts are nuts and where they go and in what order incredibly overwhelming to the point that I want to chuck it all off the balcony and shotgun eight beers.

Kik da Sneak was kind enough to come over and assemble my two amazing dressers while I passed her the tools and drank beer. I did screw some stuff in, but that's mostly because I'm really good at screwing. All innunedo aside, on Saturday afternoon, I decided to tackle the Ikea box that lay forlorn in our living room for the dresser fiasco had exhausted Kik's niceness. Armed with my toolbox and not even an adult beverage nearby, I easily assembled my new TV stand.

While one of my brothers was quick to remove any self-righteousness I was feeling with a glib, "That's not that big of a deal, big sis," I still feel I took one small step for a normal person and one huge leap for Wheels. And look how purdy!

One Small Step No. 2: Just Call Me the Cable Woman

Similar to my construction phobia, I have deferred to the men, or the technology talented women, in my life to be my free techies. But, after I assembled my TV stand, I hooked up the cable in my room.

Without help.

Without a tantrum.

Without it taking more than 10 minutes.

VICTORY.

One Small Step No. 3: Who You Calling a Lush?

Before I begin, you should know that my new place is up in the hills so public transportation, which was usually my DD, is out of the question so you have to drive or cab there. On Saturday night, I met two of my friends - the Intern and PA Guy - both of whom I know through work for drinks in Oakland.

Since I had to be up early on Sunday to take my roommate to work/workout/go to church, I knew I didn't want to get hammered. I drove down the hill to the bar and had a great time enjoying some PBR and catching up with PA Guy. The Intern on the other hand, was drunk. Given my Gaucho upbringing, small stature and penchant for drinking with the boys, when I go out drinking, I usually end up being one of the more drunk members of the group.

Saturday was different, for I knew I was sober when I could tell that the Intern was shithoused, and let me tell you, it was awful annoying. He monopolized the conversation, kept belaboring certain points and knocked a full beer onto my lap. Luckily, I had just put the BlackBerry back into my purse otherwise I would have had to kick his ass into next week. Besides that, I had a great time with PA Guy and went home too late but wasn't hammered or even tipsy by the time I had to drive home. Totally ready for my adult card. Now I want a beer.

Ole Ole Ole Gauchos!

2010-07-23T12:25:00.000-07:00

So Kik da Sneak and I spent the weekend in glorious Santa Barbara, and if the way our bodies feel - as if someone beat the crap out of us with baseball bats - is any indication, it was a great weekend. And by great weekend, I mean amazing. Here, with the assistance of far too many pictures because they were all so great, is how our weekend went down.

We drove down Thursday and were promptly greeted by our host Drama with a bottle of pinot grigio. We had breakfast at this yummy place downtown on Friday, had a beer at noon when we would have been at work in normal life and headed to campus to chat up our homies in the athletic dept. and the radio station where Kiks and I met. Seven. Years. Ago.

Oh just where we went to school. With where we lived freshman year off to the right and the ocean dead head. Jealous?
Reenacting a classic scene from fall 2004 when Kiks and I went running. I naturally decided that it would be a good idea to try and run all crazy like as Phoebe does in 'Friends.' I naturally then fell and scraped everything and still have a scar on my knee from it.
Met up with our love Creams and then we began our sojourn on an all-afternoon drink fest than went into the night. First up: pizza and beer at Gio's!
The Terrible Twosome take on Gio's!

The Terrible Twosome puts on a monocle smile. Or rather, some of us tried.

After beer, we headed back to campus to Manzanita aka those dorms on the water for a young alumni mixer. The stairwells smell exactly the same as when we lived there from 2003-07, so we naturally had to take a picture:

Kelly had a shot of (free?) tequila. I decided that was a terrible, terrible idea so the bartenderman poured me a shot of PBR. It was then that I realized that bartenderman and I could be best friends.

So a bunch of the UCSB baseball team/Foresters was at the Hall with us. This guy was celebrating his 21st birfday.

When I told him that I was class of 2007, his response was, "Man, you're old!"

Douche.

Wheels and bartenderman who gave me shots of PBR = best friends.

And the creepiest man at the bar award goes to this tool.

Saturday morning, what better way to cure a hangover than to go surfing on campus? One of the young alumni activites was a free surf lesson (free as included in the $75 weekend fee, which also included free booze at the mixer and a ticket ($80 in street value) to a bomb wine festival), so Kik and I decided to give it a shot. Neither of us ended up standing up, but it was still awesome!

This is just the view from campus. No big.

Awesome reggae band at the California Wine Festival!
I wish I had worn boots with shorts! We were all mad we forgot our fanny packs at home.

OMG CHEESE! The best cheese ever!

They also had beer!

The reggae band had an awesome sales table! I had originally picked out a patch for my brother with a peace sign in rasta colors. After we had finished paying, the saleslady came after us and whispered to me that she had one with a marijuana leaf on it but she couldn't put it on the table because the distributor would get mad, but did I want to exchange it. Oh yes, I did. My brother loved it.
After we drank our body weight in wine, we took one final photo. You can't tell, but our feet are on fire from the sand.
Seriously, how amazing is Santa Barbara?

Cooling our feet off on some discarded ice because our feet were on FIRE!

After we cabbed it back to Drama's, only after stopping at 7-11 to get cash. We took two naps. Then our friend Choff magically showed up. And by magically showed up, that's how it feels we've youve dranked 10 bottles of wine and napped twice only to wake up to a long-lost friend at the door.

Instead of going out downtown like we had originally thought, we decided ordering Domino's and playing beer pong was a much better option. Commence shitshow no. 2:
Oh that's just Choff blowing on my hair to make me a better pong player. Sad news? It worked.
No, Choff is not proposing. He's trying to hit my sunburn.

Choff may have a UC degree but that doesn't mean he can open a box of beer.

Former student leaders at the University of California, Santa Barbara, three years later.
He's a model in his spare time.

My friends are awesome:

The drive home on Sunday was epically awful. Dying of hungoverness. But we made it alive, and it was the best. weekend. ever.

Texting in the Shallow End of the Man Pool

2010-07-23T11:29:00.000-07:00

I have used this blog and a lot of my real-life talk to lament about my lack of choice in acceptable dudes to date, and this entry is no exception, but it'll be slightly entertaining, I kind of promise.

Example One: CPA Douche

I knew this guy from my high school days and a couple of weeks ago we had dinner, which was surprisingly nice to catch up since he can be kind of a douche, as if his "nom de plume" tells you right off the bat. A couple of weeks ago, we went to an A's game (get the full story in this post I wrote five minutes earlier than this one), and his lack of sports resulted in a complete lack of possibility of being anything more than friends.

On Wednesday we had chatted on Facebook with him suggesting we hang out soon. I said, invite me to do something at a specific time and place (for he's always suggesting to come to the City but never any real plans), and he failed to do so. At any rate, it was a normal conversation, and that night I got a BBM (it's like AIM for BlackBerries) from him and the conversation went as follows:

CPA Douche: What are you doing?
Wheels:Watching west wing
Wheels: You?
CPA Douche: Watching six feet under
CPA Douche: Come over
Wheels: Yeah its 10 pm, no thanks
CPA Douche: I want to see you
Wheels: Well you don't ask to do so at 10 at night, sorry
CPA Douche: I haven't seen you in a while and itd be nice if you were here
Wheels: Well thanks
Wheels: Like I said, invite me to do something specific at a specific time and place and we'll see
CPA Douche: You don't trust me
Wheels: Trust you how
CPA Douche:: I'm not sure
CPA Douche: I'm no worse than anyone else
Wheels:Yeah trust you how
CPA Douche: I dunno I just don't think u trust me
CPA Douche:Even though I'm a cpa
Wheels: Yeah but you can expand on that
CPA Douche: Well, I'm a cpa
CPA Douche: License # DOUCHEBAG
CPA Douche: Look it up
Wheels: You're being rediculous
CPA Douche: So
Wheels: Not very endearing haha
CPA Douche: U like it
Wheels: Yea not in the slightest
CPA Douche: U always have
Wheels: Not true in the slightest
CPA Douche: Of course not
CPA Douche: You're a bad liar
Wheels: Nope
CPA Douche: I can tell
Wheels: There you go again being obnoxious
CPA Douche: yeah you smile when you're lying
Wheels: Yeah you don't know anything about me but nice try
CPA Douche: Too bad we can't fool around right now
Wheels: Wow
Wheels: I'm good
Wheels: I'm going to read and turn in, ttyl
CPA Douche: Haha
Wheels: And by I'm good, I mean please don't say stuff like that to me
Wheels: Just for the record

As if BBMing at 10 p.m. on a school night saying drive all the way from your bed in Berkeley to my apartment in the Marina (21 miles, 40 minutes) wasn't enough of a bootey call, he spells it right out there. Ew.

It's one thing if we're out doing something, and he makes a pass at me. But it just sounds so value menu creepy when it's on BBM. Especially, as I mentioned earlier, when I had figured out last week that he's soo unattractive.

Example Two: The Blockhead

About a month ago, I may or may not have made out with one of my friends whom I'm known for years. Three weeks ago, we spent the weekend texting and he even texted me a picture of himself before a family dinner.

This past Monday, we had a text convo that went like this:

Blockhead: Hi
Wheels: Hey
Blockhead: Hi I'm drunk
Wheels: Nice. Having fun?
Blockhead: Yes. How was your day?
Wheels: Good, accomplished a lot. Yours?

Last night, we had exchanged two normal, full of real adult setence texts when I got this gem while he's visiting friends in Reno:

Blockhead: Hi
Wheels: Oh hey. How's the trip?
Blockhead: I won 10 dollars

I understand we don't live in times where guys open doors, which is fine because I can open my own damn door, but "hi" is not an acceptable way to text someone. To text anyone for that matter. I tweeted that, and naturally, my friend G$ texted me, "Hi." Funny? yes. Good way to start out an IM conversation? Sure. One word to text anyone? No.

Non-Sports Junkies Need Not Apply

2010-07-23T10:58:00.000-07:00

While visiting one of my bbfs, Gogs, back in April, we both filled out online dating profiles. Hers was with an Indian dating website to please her parents. Mine with Catholic Singles to please Gogs. (It should be noted that I have since removed my membership because they suck). While we sat around, drinking too much wine, and filling out our profiles, we found this process was way harder than either of us thought it would be.

Sure, our friends and ourselves know what we're actually like. Sure, we both have Facebook profiles that explain all that. But trying to translate who we are in person and on Facebook to online dating profiles to attract future mates presents a greater challenge, especially when it comes to hobbies.

Since Gogs and I both work in athletics and spend the majority of our time outside of work watching sports, we were both surprised at the prevalence that sports played in the different categories of our profiles. We were shocked that, on paper, sports was the main theme. Not going to lie, I included the phrase: Anyone who is a Dodgers, Lakers and/or Indiana Hoosiers fan, need not apply.

But I digress.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to an A's game with my friend, CPA Douche, and realized that I'm more into sports junkies that I thought I was.

This was the first time that I've gone to a sporting event with someone who didn't know, what felt like, anything about sports at all. Except that we were at a baseball game. And let me tell you, I needed a lot of beer. This guy is clearly lacking a father figure (but seriously, he is) who could impart the wisdom that would enable him to woo a sports gal such as myself. Or really even to understand the game.

He couldn't discuss the past teams of the players on the field. He was not excited over the site of a knuckleball. "A whaaaat?" Was his response when I cleaned up the jizz after a particularly purdy pitch. He didn't even know how many innings there were.

Clearly I was dealing with a sports noob, which I suppose, differs from someone who knows some a little, but it made me realize that I cannot be into dudes who aren't into sports. That game completely quelled any possible feelings for CPA Douche, which he would support with other evidence down the road, and left me once again, back at the drawing board, or back at the starting line after DQing another dude. It did, however, make me incredibly greatful for all of my friends who warrant invitations to sporting events.

The end.

You're Welcome, Amurikah

2010-06-23T12:35:00.000-07:00

So you may or may not have heard by now that the U.S. senior men's soccer team won some soccer game today. What you may not know, however, is that the victory was definitely spurred on by Kik da Sneak and I. Spurred on is us being gracious.It was most all us. Well us and a receding hairline.

In a long-standing Gaucho tradition, before any important soccer match, beer needs to be ~~drunk~~ ~~druken~~ chugged from a boot. So where were we just before 7 a.m. PST? Oh, standing on Kik's deck to drink our beer.

Then, they U.S. won. Here's hoping it works for the team I really want to win tomorrow in New Zealand! I should point out that despite two beers, I was totally sober by the time I had to drive to work at 9:30 a.m.

OMG STOKED FOR BEER
Chug chug chug
VICTORY! Or, CHAMPION as her sweatshirt confirms:
Does this make us alcoholics or just really good fans?
There's too much head!
Who knew all it took for me to be a morning person was the promise of immediate beer?

Musical Monday

2010-06-21T11:40:00.001-07:00

Ever since seeing "In the Heights" in the City two weeks ago, I've been listening to the soundtrack nonstop. This is my absolute favorite song from the show - Sunrise. Happy Monday!

Wordless "Wendesday"

2010-06-18T12:12:00.000-07:00

Special Ed runs in the family:

Passing the [Alcoholic] Torch

2010-06-15T10:54:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be moving in the next few months so last night I officially started the moving process last night. As I went through several boxes of clothing and assorted crap that I've amassed, I found two collectibles that I am almost ready to pass onto the next generation...of drinkers.

No. 1: The Cooter Skirt

Originally belonging to my bff Drama, she bequeathed the skirt to me in what she calls one of her best decisions ever. Since graduating from UCSB, I've kept the Cooter Skirt packed away in the seasonal clothes box. Yet, it has never really been the right season to break it out again. Perhaps next weekend when Drama visits...but I digress.

The Cooter Skirt got me some this night:
It also came in handy for a Halloween costume when we dressed as the House of Cosbys (if you haven't seen this, you need to click on this link right away!!!) on day two of senior Halloween weekend. I was Princess Cooter Cosby, just for the record:
It was also part of my costume (Little Lebowski Urban Achievers) for a Big Lebowski Party my junior year:
However, since I had worked the opening shift that morning, the night ended with me here:
And the walk home and bagel run with Donkey, who crashed right next to me in true devoted friend way, was quite interesting with our stuffed ferrett Lamar (omgah check out my long hair!):
Proof of how freaking short the Cooter Skirt is:
At any rate, I texted my former roommates, also known as the Ocho, that I found the Cooter Skirt but couldn't bring myself to throw it away, a sentiement they whole-heartedly echoed. So we decided that whoever has a daughter first will get the skirt on her 21st birthday from her crazy UCSB aunts.

The law school member of the group, Fatch, declared that "if we were to write that down in a recorded grant deed, it would not violate the rule against perpetuities" so we're all good from a legal sense.

No. 2-21: My Shot Glass Collection
The house where I currently live lacks space so my roommate "hid" away my shot glasses and I haven't been able to find them for a year. I asked her about them last night and she pulled them out of their secret hiding place. Since I've survived for almost two years without using them - I'm adult now so I just pour my Jack instead of measuring it - I figured it is time to send them along.

I texted my brothers, who are 20, to see if they wanted them. They both responded immediately with a rousing "hell yeah!" I could not be more proud. I got slightly ferklempt that I was passing the alcoholic torch onto the next generation. One of them wanted to know if I was joining A.A. I explained that I didn't need them anymore except for a few and that I'd bring them home this weekend. I'm glad that they'd be in good hands and I'd say it definitely earns me some Super Fly Big Sister Points.

I ended up keeping five for my own collection for their sentimental value, which sounds funny when you consider that they're vessels for alcohol:
From left to right, top to bottom they are...
1. Jack Daniels from the distellery itself. He and I are long-time lovers.
2. A Don't Mess With Texas one that a fellow broadcaster picked up for me from a soccer trip
3. Celtic Spirit presumably from Ireland from my Black Friend Alan
4. UC Santa Barbara because that's where I got my Ph.D. in drinking
5. A crooked "I Got Tipsy in Vegas" from my first trip to Sin City with the newspaper
6. One from Ireland that my brother gave to me when he went.

Man, I could really go for a Captn 'n Sunkist now.

Reno 411

2010-06-10T18:07:00.000-07:00

If you follow me on Twitter, which is what anybody who's anybody is doing, then you know I went to Reno last weekend.
If you don't follow me on Twitter, which means you're super lame, then hey, I went to Reno last weekend. Here's what happened...

Last Thursday as I was walking out of work, I got a BBM from Whitey, who asked if instead of going to this art thing we were going to Friday, if I wanted to go to Reno. It took all of 20 seconds for me to say, "I'll drive! When?"

We drove up Friday afternoon and hit no traffic, what what not in the butt!

On Friday night, we got all dolled up and headed...downstairs.

A bar in our hotel had a ladies' night on Friday which allowed us to drink for free. It took a little while to get our first free drink but when there's no cover and the booze is free, it makes waiting seem like it takes less time.

We drank, danced, made fun of pople. I went downstairs with $20 in my pocket. Four awesome hours later, I came back with $21 (thanks penny slots!), a nice buzz, and I wasn't even hungover the next morning. Reno. Rules.

Saturday morning, we had buffet breakfast and releaxed by the pool for two solid hours of amazingness. We went swimming when the sun got too hot and I definitely had an awkward turtle moment.

A pair of cute boys were playing catch with a football in the pool and when the less cute one retired, I was all hey, I'm open. Only the cute dude didn't see me so I was left standing there with my arms up. Two seconds later, he did notice me and we played catch, but only after it was slightly awkward. Loves it.

After the pool, where I would get severely burned (damn my Irish skin), we headed down to the Reno "strip." We had discussed getting tattoos for I have been wanting a third one, but when we found the tattoo parlor we were looking for, it had an Ed Hardy poster as well as a sign proclaiming its discount for Western Towing. No. Thanks.

Saturday night, we got even more dolled up and headed downstairs once again. The dress I had wanted to wear had a malfunction so I got to wear the ridiculously booby one, which attracted the attention of many gentlemen and made me feel slightly whorish until I remembered I was in Reno and therefore my stock was way high.

We went back to the bar with the free booze, which wasn't free that night but it didn't matter after a bottle of room wine. At said bar, we were approached by several Marines asking us to dance. Naturally, we obliged and then headed back to their table.

At said table, I successfully pulled off a fake story. Told him my name was Jenny (it's not) and since I'm fresh off a trip to the South, I laid on my Southern accent as heavy as it goes for a NorCal native, and not going to lie, saidman ate it up, he just loooved country girls. Told me he was training to be deployed and I immediately responded that I didn't believe in the war and that we should get the fuck out of there. With the boobs on full display, he looked past it.

After awhile of talking to said men, we got bored and said we were heading upstairs to go to bed because we had a big Sunday ahead. Once we reached our room, we decided we weren't that tired so we changed outfits and headed back downstairs. Once we returned to the bar, we "sadly" discovered other women so we decided to get down with our bad selves on the dance floor and then retire.

In all, it was an awesome trip. Here are some awesome pictures for reading all that.

When we drove over the Donner Summitt, you know that place where people ate each other but maybe didn't actually eat each other, there was snow. In June. It wasn't just like snow at the tops of the mountains or in small droppings. Lots of snow. Weird.
I knew I was in a good place when we walked into our room and our couch had cowboys on it:
We immediately opened a bottle of wine. Since there were only two glasses in the bathroom, I got resourceful and emptied a tupperware container of its peanuts so drinking could commence: Broke in the newest koozie in my collection:
One of the bars in our hotel had a one-man karoeke-style band. He played a key-tar:
I was super surprised that a bunch of the machines are uber-electronic. All touch screen. Nuts:
On the other end of the 2010 spectrum was a vending machine of cigarrettes. Mind bottling why anyone would smoke:
Another bar had dancers with boots with the fur:
Took pictures where we don't remember why we took them:
Found out what drew us to Reno in the first place. But not really at all.

Found some awesome new hats:
Happened upon a biker convention/biker street faire. Did not meet new boyfriends:
Got some fashionable new hair accessories:
We've already started planning the next trip.

Georgia on My Mind

2010-06-10T11:19:00.000-07:00

Since I was lazy and busy writing for my job, I forgot to recap my trip to Georgia. Now, since I'm still lazy and busy pretending to be working, I'm resorting to bullet points and one awesome story, which rightly deserves to go first.

He's Got Jokes
I made the mistake of telling the team that "Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" scares the living poo out of me. So what does the team do? Oh sing the Oompa Loompa song to me. All. The. Time.

On the trip, I got an e-mail from my boss that read as follows:

Wheels --
Thought you'd like to hear this interview while you're on the trip to Georgia.

Bossman

So I opened the nondescript mp3 file.

I was on another tab in Firefox (Facebook no doubt) but the Oompa Loompa song started playing. I started yelling at my roommate to turn that crap off because she was scaring me. Then I re-opened the mp3 file and it started again.

It was a clip from the Oompa Loompa song from "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory."

I was like wtf, how does the bossman know that this movie scares the living poo out of me?

Then my roommate said it was the equipment guy. Best. Prank. Ever.

To get him back, I snuck into his room and took all of his underwear among other oddities. It was slightly juvenile but awesome nonetheless.

Other Highlights/Lowlights:
-We stayed in Buckhead, Ga., for a couple of nights and celebrated one the birthday of a staff member at this random dive bar that had a full-on pirate ship in it!

-Was disgustingly hot. And attractive. Lots of humidity and an open-air press box means sweaty Wheels.

-Found another boyfriend:
-Saw far too many gingers:
-Came home to the Yay on what was quite possibly the loudest flight I've ever, ever been on. A big group of foreigners were on it and once the seatbelt sign was off, they all stood in the aisles and hung over seats (all of which were right next to us, natch) and talked really, really loudly.

We lost and I was sad so I've clearly blocked out the rest of the trip.

Columbus Recap

2010-06-03T11:11:00.000-07:00

Well, I can now check the state of Ohio off my list of states that I need to visit as well as a possible state to live. We arrived Wednesday evening and left Monday evening for Hotlanta. Overall, it was a good trip.

Highlight: Dunkin' Donuts.

We were four minutes walking (according to my roadtrip roommate's iPhone) to heaven. I went every day. Well, except Sunday. I tried to kill myself but my roommate pulled me back. I went even when I already had coffee. So. Amazing.

Highlight Runner-up: Man with manners.

I was coming back from Dunkin' Donuts and went through the first set of doors behind a man. When he heard me behind him, he stopped opening the first door for himself, opened it for me, let me go first and said, "Excuse me, ma'am."

Lowlight: Annoying OSU beat writer.

She was cheering for the Buckeyes and rude. She didn't know the mercy rule (eight runs after five innings) and she touched me with her hair. I guess someone never taught her that "We are not the Gauchos, the Gauchos are not us."

Lowlight Runner-Up: Waiterman

At dinner one night, someone in our travel party asked the server, "How many wings come in a pound?" For he was trying to figure out how many to order. The server replied, "Uhh, a pound."

Survey Says: Not a bad place.

The downtown was very clean and nice, very business time. It shut down on the weekends, but we still managed to find a dive bar. The whole city is very widespread and we didn't get to see much of campus. The fashion was...well not really fashion. Very mid-90s.

And now for a bunch of pictures:

My view from Buckeye Field. I'm little.

Heh. Balls.

The Ohio statehouse. Califronia's is better.

Nondescript shot of downtown Columbus:

Someone's ass.
If you can't figure this out, we shouldn't be friends:
Oooh. Columns. Fancy.
Rotunda. California's is better. I'm serious.
Where'd his body go? Someone better look into this.

I was too coked out on Dunkin' Donuts to remember what this picture is.

Ding dong the witch is dead.
Nothing says "real musuem" like the phrase "believed to be."

Cool elevator in the statehouse.

When I worked for my college newspaper, we were dismembered if anyone used the phrase "raising awareness" in an article or a headline. So I found this especially funny:
Dunkin Donuts is are the heart of my campaign:

All those pennies are glued in there. We threw ones in and made wishes.

Our equipment guy took pictures for me during the games and found me my long-lost love. Mfeo.

Musical "Monday"

2010-06-01T11:29:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the softballers, I've increased my musical library threefold. This week's favorite has lyrics that pretty much describe my life:

I look fly
I look good
Touch my swag
Wish you could
I look fly
I look good

Enjoy!

You Do Know You're at the Gym, Right?

2010-05-17T00:17:00.000-07:00

In the past month or so, I've been hitting the gym regularly. And when I say regularly, I mean maybe once a week. That once a week status, I feel, has given me a vast wealth of knowledge about the things that you should and should not be doing at the gym. As someone who cares about her community, I feel the need to impart this great wisdom upon y'all.

Attire

You See That No Jeans Sign?
That means you should not be wearing jeans at the gym. Who in their right mind could actually stand to work out in that jail or denim? If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford a pair of workout pants that aren't stamped with some dude named Levi's name.

Over the Shoulder Boulder Holders
As a well-endowed woman in the titty area (thanks Mom!), I will never understand how anyone -- whether they're in the Itty Bitty Titty or the Huge Knockers Club -- can workout with a regular bra. They make cheap sports bras, it's doable. If your bazongas are bouncing anymore than three inches, your bra doesn't fit. I love staring at other girls' racks just as much as the next hetero, but do your future a favor and buy a real bra.

Who Wears Short Shorts?
No one at the gym should wear short shorts. If I have to worry about getting the clap if I use the bike after you, your shorts are in fact, too short. Try getting clothes that actually fit. If this is too hard, take a friend with you.

Habits

Can You Hear Me Now?
If I can hear your music over my music, your music is too loud. Granted, in the long-term, you'll suffer more due to your hearing loss, but it's still annoying.

Grunt, Grunt
I understand that sometimes, working out can be strenuous, especially when lifting weights. No matter what you're doing, it does not give you the right to breathe loudly. I know you think I'm fine and you want me to check out your hot bod, but I'm not going to if you're grunting or breathing really loudly. It is possible to use your breath to help you through lifting, try it sometime.

Douchenozzle, Party of One
There is no reason, ever, for dudes to wear tanktops or sleeveless shirts, most especially at the gym. Unless you're in the NBA, you should have sleeves. I dont care how ripped your arms are or how much you love to stare at them in the mirror as you breathe too loudly, tanktops are not ok. Multiply that by infinity if it's a Dodgers tank.

We Need a Double-Double, Stat
There is one girl at the gym, who always uses the last elliptical and always wears the same outfit. I took sport psych in school and am not an idiot so it's quite obvious that homeskillet is an exerciseaholic. I want to pin her to a couch, make her watch tv and eat nothing but Double-Doubles for a weekend. Too skinny ain't pretty.

My Life According to Twit Pics, Take III

2010-05-16T17:47:00.000-07:00

Since I have yet to get a new camera charger, I rely on TwitPics to chronicle my life. Since I'm lazy, I rely on TwitPics to update y'all on my life these days.

Went to the Oakland Museum of California. It took them at least two years to renovate it, and in my opinion, they could have used two more. Half of it was an art gallery, which had quite the mixture of works of "art." It is my firm belief that if I can't tell if an artist or a three-year-old did something, it's not art. Also, sometimes it may be "art," but that doesn't make it look any less shitty:
But there were some pretty pieces, like this one of Yosemite:
And this one of Tahoe that really made me want to go camping there:
The other half of the museum was all about history, which was awesome because I have a degree in that stuff. The name of the museum is a slight misnomer as many of the pieces of art and other aspects of the museum weren't made in or about California. The website clearly said that on the second Fridays, it's open til 9 p.m., but as we found out at 7:45 p.m., that starts next month. I'd love to go back and actually spend more time there. We totally got the student discount, too!

The history part of the museum was very interactive They had a jukebox with music from the 40s that you could play. Totally brought my back to my swing dancing days and made me want to go dancing:
We went back to the days of the Gold Rush:
Got a reminder of the inspiration for one of my tattoos:
Drove home Tuesday to take my brother to the DMV to get his license. He passed! Then I put a tank top on the dog and went for a run with my dad:

After a lovely dinner with The Jew and drinks with a bff on Friday night, I spent the rest of Mother's Day weekend at home. The dog and I watched softball:
My mom and I went to my cousin's hockey game:
My cousin is an only child. An only child being homeschooled this year and next by his doting mother. All signs point to trouble, so I stepped in and took him out of the house (shocker!) and to Michael's to pick out something for his mom for Mother's Day. We hung out at my parent's house and did some crafts. Quality. Hopefully I can do it more often to help socialize the poor kid.

Saw Julianne Hough:
She is smoking. Watching her in concert made me a.) want to stop eating so I can be unhealthily skinny like her, b.) start smoking so I can have a raspy voice like her, and c.) take stripped classes so I can dance like a whore like her.

Saw Sugarland:
They were amaaaaaaaazzzing. I love country music.

Went with a group of co-workers to see Kenny Chesney: Summer in 3D. They took a bunch of footage at past concerts and put it together in a spectacular 3D jizzfest. I'm not the hugest Kenny fan, but it was a great experience. Kudos to my friends for not being super annoyed when I literally screamed (the 3D makes everything very lifelike and an arm jumped up and startled the crap out of me) and shouted "Go Vols!" everytime he talked about Knoxville or was wearing a UT shirt.
Worked a shit ton of softball games. I've got quite the tan. One of my reporters rules for he feeds me lollipops. It was from Trader Joe's and amaaazing:
Drove home to have dinner with my family, grandpa and aunt/uncle/cousin. We went for a sunset walk in the fields near my parents' house, lovelovelove NorCal:
Played more office pranks by taking my co-worker's head and putting it on his exercise ball box:
My life is pretty awesome.

Wordless "Wendesday"

2010-05-13T11:20:00.000-07:00

From my hometown's paper:

Mother's Day Minus Three

2010-05-04T15:12:00.000-07:00

I went to Target yesterday, and paused at the card section. With this being the first Mothers Day since three of my "mothers" - my two actual grandmas and my great aunt, who was like our third grandma - all passed in the time between June 10 and Nov. 10, 2010 - held more significance than usual.

As with every week for the past year, this week, the pangs of emptiness have been echoing especially loud. I keep waiting to feel their presence. To feel them let me know it will be OK. To let know they feel my pain and have them brush it away like they used to with a bigger bowl of ice cream than mom would allow or a homemeade dinner that used to make everything OK. For someone or something to lift this great weight of grief that rests as heavy as the complete works of Harry Potter.

I won't deny that I was the White Grandmas favorite, I was predisposed to it. I was the first grandchild for her. We shopped. We baked. Work and life kept me far too busy during her final months for which my Catholic guilt will not let me let go of in the near future. I don't know how aware she was when I visited the week before she passed, but I do know she knew I loved her.

We used to visit my great aunt every summer in Seattle, and she loved it since she never had any actual grandchildren of her own. The last time I saw her was in August 2006, and I always wanted to get back up there, but again, work and life got in the way.

Thanks to the grace of hospice, I had my final say with the Black Grandma. I was granted a few precious moments alone with her when I could in no uncertain terms let her know how much I love her and how grateful I was to her for shaping my dad into the best man I have ever known, and I know for a fact that she understood everything I said that night.

Thought Ill never know which grandchild was her favorite, it was a moot or moo point with the Black Grandma. We lived together for the first five months after I graduated and since I lived close, I could go over for dinners and the like.

Seeing all of the grandmother cards at Target almost resulted in a full-blown breakdown. So instead, I bought cards for the five of my seven aunts that I like, my mom and the Black Grandma's sister, who is amazing. I figured if they were feeling anything remotely close to the way I am, they could all use some extra love. Got to love snail mail.

Musical Monday

2010-05-03T12:19:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the glory of Deadspin, today's Musical Monday treat isn't really musical. Or at least it shouldn't be.

Even as a diehard Notre Dame fan, this makes me fie a little bit inside.

Shitshow Saturday

2010-05-03T09:10:00.000-07:00

Happy Monday, y'all! I was going to tell you all about the past couple of days in the Life of Wheels, but Saturday's performance takes the cake. The keywords are booze, BART, epic, shitshow.

Worked. Then I jetted home to get food, red party cups and my trusty ping pong balls to head into the City to meet this girl I actually had never met. She has my job at some school in Arizona so we had only traded Tweets and e-mails. We knew we were destined for bbf-dom for this is how some of our texts went while I was on my way-

Her: We're pub crawling from the train station to the hotel. Hurry up.

Me: How long had y'all been at it? Should I bring a mixed drink or beer on BART?

Her: Three mixed drinks.

Her: So, are you going to want a hug when you get here? I thought I'd get the awkwardness out of the way. Also, what do you want to drink so it's ready when you get here?

Me: Yes please! I'll have some Captn Morgan.

Her: I've got a Three Wisemen waiting for ya.

From there, we went to several bars on the way to the hotel, including Eddie Rickenbacker's because I had to show them the fat dude who resides there:
We stopped at 7-11 to get beer and were horrified when they didn't have any. So we went to a liquor store in Union Squad, that in retrospect, was across the street from their hotel. Buuut, I led them three blocks uphill instead of across the street. Hey, reading street address is hard when you're mollywhopped.

Made it to the hotel. They changed. We ate the Lunchable that I brought. Yes, I am 25 and brought a Lunchable on a night of drinking. You need to eat sometime. Then we cabbed it to Smuggler's Cove. While waiting in line to get in, someone in our group had a heated debate with the doorman about how pirates and smuggler's are one in the same.

In addition to someone in our party saying "Why is this guy handing me a menu? I can't fucking read right now," while we were in line, I also cracked open a beer. In line. Outside. How they let us in, I'll never know. Once we got in, pretty sure I lasted a solid five minutes before I decided I had to get home.

I could see the opera house and City Hall from the bar, and I had already mapquested how far it was to the nearest BART station - it was 0.7 miles to the Civic Center station. But did I go there? Oh no.

I ran at least 1.1 miles in ballet flats with a life purse to the Powell Station:
Please notice how Civic Center BART is closer.

In reality, my route was probably more like this:
I texted my friend Tool Box that I was at the Powell BART station and missing him, so I can only assume I went to Powell instead of Civic Center. This is super weird to me because normally I have a good sense of direction, especially in the parts of the City that I know. Plus I only had a North Star in the City Hall tower, but I still failed to get there. But it doesn't end there.

I passed out on BART and woke up one stop after mine. I woke up with a warm feeling, which means I no doubt had my head rested on the dude next to me. Disoriented, I got off there, waited about five minutes to see if a train would come back the other way. Since it was oh, 1 a.m. by this point, I figured there wasn't and resigned myself to the fact that I'd be walking the two miles home.

I happened upon a taxi cab, and though I'm not quite sure how this all went down, the taximan, who was responding to a call, and I made a deal that for $5, he would get me to the Target, which is two blocks from my house. He dropped me off, I handed him the final $8 that I had not spent and dragged my schmammered ass home to fall into bed.

Why Aren't They Married to Me "Wednesday"

2010-04-29T10:38:00.000-07:00

Ever since I started watching "Rescue Me" last fall, I have been oddly drawn to Denis Leary. He's not what society may deem handsome, unlike some of my past future husbands - Christian Bale, Ben Harper, Noah Wyle, Sean Patrick Thomas. Yet, there is something just so alluring about Denis Leary.
When I ponder it further, I discovered that he is my ideal man. Irish background (his parents immigrated from Ireland), Catholic, sarcastic and he learns towards the left - the political left, though a gangster lean is also allowed and encouraged.

He's got killer bedroom eyes:
Another key staple in any prospective husband, he's good with babies:
He's also hilarious. Always need someone who can make me laugh hysterically:
Here's how he'll look at our wedding:
Check it out, we both like to sing!!!

And come on, how hot of a couple are we:

Looks like a match made in Irish-Catholic heaven to me! And no, I did not photoshop my rack. I just have awesome boobs.

No. 1 Prankster

2010-04-26T14:24:00.000-07:00

I thoroughly enjoy a good, harmless prank. My officemate, we'll call him Mama's Boy, has taken to sitting on an exercise ball instead of a chair to help his core. It squeaks, it's obnoxious. I can hear it even with headphones.

When he went to lunch, the intern and I took his ball for a field trip around the building/campus. Enjoy the photo slideshow:

Taking a meeting:
Going No. 1:
Holding a press conference:
Chatting with a cop (who had just gotten called to a 911 call when we approached him and still posed for the picture):
Warming up for the Big Game:
He says I started a war. We shall see what happens.

Wordless Wendesday

2010-04-14T11:00:00.001-07:00

To Ink or Not to Ink?

2010-04-13T16:31:00.000-07:00

That is most definitely the question weighing heaviest on my mind today. One of my bffs AC Slater is going to get a tattoo this weekend and it's totes inspired me to think about getting a new tattoo or two.

I already have two:
A California poppy on my foot (not the rose on the wrist):

As well as a shamrock on my lower back. Not a tramp stamp in the slightest.

Here are some of the ideas for the next one(s).

My initials on my foot:
Not going to lie, I stole the placement from one of my coworkers. But I had wanted to get my initials inside of my first tattoo (a Shamrock), but was way too much of a pansy. Please note my foot is way more hot and skinny than this one. Also, Microsoft Paint rules.

Irish Harp:

The real symbol of Ireland to go with my shamrock.

Dove on my back:
My favorite symbol besides the Irish ones. In the history of the world.

"Let it Be" on my wrist:

Hot pink would make it awesome. Make me relax a little more perhaps? I was thinking about getting the dove there, but a friend has sayings written on both of her wrists and it looks amazing.

What do y'all think?

Music Monday: Twice as Nice, Part II

2010-04-12T01:53:00.000-07:00

I can't decide which of my songs are the favorites right now so here are a couple.

"You and Your Heart" by Jack Johnson:

Jack is a UCSB grad and this song could not be more applicable to my life.

"Hell on the Heart" by Eric Church:

I play this so many times a day.

Thankful Thursday

2010-04-08T10:48:00.000-07:00

On this Thursday, I am thankful for...

-Dunkin' Donuts coffee from my mom

-BlackBerry messenger that allows me to talk to my cousin and bffs who are miles away every day

-My killer rack

-A super amazing bed (which has kept me captive each of the past mornings)

Wheeler's Weekend Update

2010-04-06T14:42:00.000-07:00

Last weekend absolutely fleewwwww by!

Tuesday:
At an all-staff meeting, we were told that there were going to be a lot of budget cutbacks in the very near future. Such a fun way to start the week. But it certainly made for good discussion as we dyed Easter eggs that evening:

Friday:
After a productive day at work, some co-workers and I, to celebrate making through the rest of the week after hearing about layoffs, hoofed it to a local bar:
This bar is amazing, total dive. They serve beer in cans and the only beer on tap is PBR. Since we really didn't have dinner, I got properly smashed, but kicked bootay at shuffleboard:
Saturday:
Had to wake up way too early to work the last basketball game of the season. As my roommate said, you don't get a hangover from drinking, you get hungover from waking up/getting out of bed.

Worked. Came home, tried to force some food down while I worked some more, then I got outs my country gear and hopped on my horse aka BART and headed to Oracle in Oakland for some Hot Country Nights! We got in free because I have friends in high places, which was great because none of us were concerned that we were late.

We arrived just as Michelle Branch was in the middle of her acoustic set:
She was definitely not awful live and she was definitely not country. She did a couple of her oldies from when she was pop and we were all totes back in eighth grade.

The people watching was almost way too much to handle because there was so much to see. As all the stereotypes reflect, fans of country music can be very, very trashy. The outfits people had on were amazing. One girl had a camo camera holder:

How she can find it when she's hunting in a blind, I'll never know. Speaking of trash, this couple to our left very seriously needed a room:

The woman was either practicing for her side career as a stripper or was just a real horny drunk girl because she was giving her boyfriend the biggest stand-up lap dance I had ever seen. It was like dirty dancing to the infinity degree.

One of the other people they came with, a handsome gentleman who sat next to me, was quite easy on the eyes. There is not a lot that is better in this world than a wrangler-clad, cowboy-hat wearing, double-fisting, swaying and singing along to country music cowboy, and that's exactly what that guy was.

I was screaming my little redneck girl head off to Luke Bryan, and he looked over because it was no doubt right in his ear. I apologized and he offered me some of his garlic fries that tasted as amazing as they smelled. Later in the evening, he also offered me some of his oh so delicious white chocolate chip cookie. But he switched to soda by the end of the night so we're pretty sure he was in high school. But hey, what girl doesn't like attention. Plus french fries and cookies are totes better than flowers.

Luke Bryan was amaaaazing. And ever so hot. He wasn't wearing his wedding ring even though he's off the market with one kid and another in the oven, but a girl can dream of post-concert wooing.

Blake Shelton's music is awesome but way too sad for a concert.
I only stayed for three songs of Dierks Bently because I had to go work, but he was amazing as well. In between sets, this drunk girl in front of us was doing the regular cowgirl and making out with whoever she was sitting on at the time in plain light for it was in between sets:
Some people.

Sunday:
Woke up way too early yet again to head home for some Easter festitivies! Went to mass with my dad and brother:
Dyed more Easter eggs and then us three kids -- granted we're 25 and my brothers are 20 -- spent 10 minutes looking for our Easter baskets. Mine had candy, Dunkin Donuts coffee and a Target giftcard. It's like the Easter Bunny knows me!

I sat down to watch basketball with my dad and it was literaelly the only point in the weekend when I was running around doing something, so naturally, I fell right asleep. As did my brother:
The best part about being home is most definitely our dog:

How was your weekend?! I hope y'all had a good Easter!

Music Monday: Twice as Nice

2010-04-05T10:58:00.001-07:00

There are two songs that I have essentially been listening to on repeat lately.

Psssst. Psssst. Bump it.
A mash-up between Mike Jones ft. the Ying Yang Twins vs. the Cure. You can't help but smile when you hear this song:

The running theme these past couple of weeks.
Lady Antebellum's "Love This Pain":

Solid gold, Jerry. Solid. Gold.

2010-03-25T12:38:00.000-07:00

I knew, that someday, all of my celebrity gossip reading would pay off. Every day, I peruse People.com and UsMagazine.com for the latest on who Jesse James is screwing and what ridiculous name some celeb is naming their baby. And today, all of that brain cell killing waste of my time finally paid off.

Today, People was running a photo/video album of ancient star work-out videos. Solid. Gold.

My incredible love of "Golden Girls" and "Who's the Boss?" made me love these videos the mostest.

And for a trip down 90s memory lane:

Alyssa "raps" in the second part of the workout video, which you can see here.

My First Time...With Wedding Season

2010-03-23T17:03:00.000-07:00

It happened yesterday. I lost my V-Card. My realfriendfriendgettingmarriedherinvitecameinthemail V-Card. I got the invitation for the wedding of one of my UCSB besties yesterday. The nuptials, which take place in September, are the first that I will attend that don't involve family members or friends of friends.

After tearing open the envelopes to discover the purdy invites, I then went through a whole bunch of different emotions.

No. 1: OMG WEDDING!!! OUR NESSA'S GETTING MARRIED!!! WEEE
My first adult wedding. It is exciting! Nessa's gonna make a goorgeous bride.

No. 2: Omg, it says Wheels + Guest. Who's gonna be my guest?
As a recently single gal, I don't have the gaurantee of a date for the wedding. Am I going to be with someone new by then? Could I find a random date? Do I really need to bring a date because a bunch of UCSB kids will be there?

No. 3: OMG new dress!!
I really like dresses. I would wear party dresses every day if it was more socially acceptable. If I've got a hot date, I'm going to need a hot new dress and shopping for dresses is always fun.

No. 4: Man, when do I get married?
Pretty sure most unmarried girls have this reaction when they're invited to weddings. This sensation was extra annoying due to the recent break-up. But I'm not ready for that anyways. I just want to buy a purdy dress. And be the center of attention:

No. 5: OMG PARTAY!!!
It's pretty much a recipe for disaster, or awesomness whenever us Gauchos get together so it will be a blast no matter what I wear or who I go with. Anyone got any hot friends?

Reason No. 342 Why My Dad Is Better Than Yours

2010-02-28T15:55:00.001-08:00

Two weekends ago, we brought my dad back into the 21st century with a new cell phone. He had been cell-less since the fall of 2007, and he's joining the real world real fast. Not only does he have a cell phone, but he can text. And text real sentences.

This is the one I got this afternoon that just made my entire weekend:

Yo no choco para mi cuz it b lent yo go bears lov u

Apparently he's given up chocolate for Lent. Too. Cute.

My Life According to Twit Pics, Take II

2010-02-26T11:42:00.000-08:00

Since I love the battery charger and computer cord to my camera, I've been relying on Senor BlackBerry to be my photographic memory. And since everyone prefers pictures over words, here's what's new in my life in the past couple of weeks thanks to the lovely folks at TwitPic.

What's worse than Ed Hardy now selling stuff at Target? An Ed Hardy backpack with a koi fish, one of my most biggest/scariest enemies:
I kid you not, they scare the crap out of me.

Walked around the Palace of Fine Arts in the City for the first time ever:

Ate way too much awesome food in honor of the Super Bowl:

Finally got my Christmas present from my brother:

Went to a Valentine's Day card-making party and was shocked that other people like crafts as much as I do:

Found out that someone is worse than parking than me, and due to the nature of the car, has an incredibly tiny, tiny manhood:

Watched my mother swaddle the dog, and he apparently was ok with it:

Saw an electric car plugged in for the first time ever! Smelli over at Kitchen Adventures was kind of enough to recreate our pose when we saw it:

Bought an awesome lunch bag (only mine's purple) and have already used it a ton:

Spent 10 minutes in line at CostCo to buy three things:
I had looked in my library for the book that "Crazy Heart" (which I saw with Jenn and looooved), and they didn't have it so I had to buy it. Also, that orange sauce is bitchen.

Got offered a pre-chewed York Peppermint Patty from my co-worker:

Saw the cutest onsie ever:
Don't worry, I'm not growing anything in may belly to put in it.

Went to an awesome bar - NOLA - in Palo Alto:
Can't really see it but it was awesome.

Name My Car!

2010-02-26T11:36:00.000-08:00

I've got a new car that is in very serious need of a name! I'm an incredibly indecisive not-a-girl-not-quite-a-woman (Brittany, she speaks to me) in very serious need of help!

The two names that I have come up with on my own are Rocky and Smokey.

Why? You might ask? The dashboard light thingies/radio display have a Lady Vol orange back-light color.

Ever since I read the amazing Pat Summitt's book Raise the Roof when I was a junior in college, I have been a devout Lady Vol fan. It's grown thanks to one of my bffs, Kik da Sneak, spending two years in KnoxVegas, and because of that, I got to see my Pat's 1000th win, which you can totes read about here.

Anyways, I heart the Lady Vols, and since the orange in my car is Lady Vol orange (or at least close, and definitely not Florida orange, screw Tebow even if he is then next Jesus), I was thinking Rocky or Smokey.

Rocky Top is one of the most amazing songs ever, and it's played over and over at UT events and on my iPod, while Smokey is the mascot. You can see both here:

Rocky might evoke feelings of a creepy Italian, Philadelphia and steps, and you don't want a rocky ride in a car. On the other hand, Smokey is definitely not a good thing to come of a car, but the car is silver and gray inside.

The only other thing I can think of is the Silver Fox because I like 'em old - Kevin Costner, Bill Clinton and Bruce Springsteen to name a few. Can y'all think of anything good? Smokey? Rocky? Anything? Bueller? Bueller?

Things That Bottle My Mind on BART

2010-02-25T09:48:00.001-08:00

Since I was without a car for a terrible two weeks, I was relegated to spend time with the commoners that take public transportation. Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful for BART for I have been using it as my sole method of getting around since I moved to the Yay in 2007.

It drops me three blocks from work (doesn't get much better than that), the stations have status updates so you know how many minutes you have to wait for a train (unlike awful buses that you never know when they're gonna show up), it's a designated driver for those who want to booze and cruise, it does go a lot of places in the Yay.

That being said - it doesn't go a lot of different places in the Bay that I'd like to go, it doesn't run past 12:30 a.m. (which means I would've been stranded at work on Saturday at 1 a.m.), it often takes twice as long as driving, and when I take it late at night, the transfer times are a nightmare.

Since I had to take BART the past couple weeks, I was reminded of everything that is just mind-bottling on it. Some people may be wearing their Brooks Brothers' suits and toting Louis Vuitton bags, but that doesn't mean they're not the bottom dregs of society.

The Married Uggos
After years of honing my innate skills, I can spot a wedding ring from a mile away and am a huge fan of looking at people and imagining the kind of spouse the man/woman across the aisle from me has chosen as his or her soul mate. Is the Finanial District-working businessman heading to the hoity-toity East Bay to a gorgeous soccer mom?

Well what about the uggos. We all know them. We walk the streets with them. How on the Earth do they find someone to marry them? I'm only assuming they also read the Star Wars novels, have questionable personal higene and make very, very odd fashion choices.

All I can think is that all the ugly/gypsy ass people you see roaming the streets with you MUST be married to the fat/ugly/smelly/nose-picking/bad-clothes-wearing na'er-do-wells on BART sporting wedding rings.

Loud Talkers
Your conversation can't wait 10 minutes? No one needs to hear about the crazed baby daddy who tried to kick in your front door (true story). Save the drama for yo mama. Even if you're arranging your town car to pick you up, there is no need to yell. No matter how loud you talk, your phone partner won't be able to hear you underground.

Riding BART in the Morning, Feeling like P-Diddy
Who doesn't love their iPod? Even the most savvy listener can get too carried away as they bob their head to Kesha, but if I can tell exactly what musician you're listening to and pick up in the chorus, it's too loud. If people keep giving you looks, it's probably too loud.

PeopleWhoDon'tUnderstandPersonalSpace
During the commute hours, the trains get packed. We're all aware of that this is just one of the many necessary evils of actually having a 9-5 job. But, even when it's packed to the brim, some people just don't get personal space. You really need to stand *this* close to me even though there's plenty of room for all of us? You aren't going to apologize after you give me a concussion by hitting me with your life purse? I've got six words for you: Move. Bitch. Get. Out. The. way.

But I've got a car now, bitches! Enjoy BART!

That Lovely New Car Smell

2010-02-24T21:15:00.000-08:00

Well, my adoring blog readers, I have taken one small step for Wheeler and one giant leap into adulthood for me. After much deliberation, research, bugging the boy and everyone I know to talk about it and doing some tests, I am the proud, proud owner of this gorgeous beaut:

I do believe I am officially an adult now - and I've got the car payment to prove it.

I test drove a Civic hybrid, Corolla Sport and Toyota Yaris in the Yay before heading home to Farm Country to see what kind of tractor deals I could find. Pa and I headed down to one of the dealerships to actually see a Civic, which was nice and all, and a better deal than I had found. Then the salesman, who had gone to the same schools as my brothers since kindergarten, suggested trying a Corolla, and I agreed as long as it wasn't a Sport.

I selected a sick blue Corolla with minimal miles and a good deal, and it drove great. It drove great until I realized it didn't have cruise control. So we got out of that car real fast and into a 2009 silver Corolla with just 9,500 miles (and cruise control and an auxialiary jack for my iPod so no radio thing for me and power everything like I wanted) for a swell listing price of $15.9. And it drove even better than the purdy blue Corolla and the Civic from the morning, so I was hooked.

With the 2.9 perecent APR for 60 months, and us talking them down to $13.9, it seemed too good to be true. Then they took my parents jalopy. Our 2000 Dodge Caravan with well over 100,000 miles and the check engine light had been on for a solid two months and my dad wasn't sure it'd make it from our house to the vacuum place to the dearlership. They gave us a $1000 for it by some miracle, or they were drunk. It also has a 100,000-mile/seven-year power-train waranty, what what in the butt.

When I first started my car-shopping adventure, I was dead set on not getting a Toyota with all the recall-schecall crap. But, I just liked the way the Corolla drove and it's been fixed sooo. Plus, the owners of the dealership, who were quite Russian, were glad we didn't buy into the governement mumbo-jumbo, or whatever mumbo-jumbo is in Russian, about the recalls. And, apparently Toyota is the only car maker in the history of man to shut down production so bonus?

Either way, after signing my life away - it was very Ariel in "The Little Mermaid"- I drove away in my awesome car. I may have be staring down the next five years of car payments, but check out what I wake up to every morning:
Hot. Stuff. I couldn't be more in love. (Except if it was blue, but for 9,500 miles, I can overlook it).

Now, more important, who wants to ghost ride?

Ole Ole Ole Gauchos, Gauchos!

2010-02-11T09:38:00.000-08:00

With the start of softball season, I have work every weekend from now until the middle of June. No joke. So to distract myself, I have made plans to visit the glorious motherland that is Santa Barbara, or the American Riviera:

Trip No. 1: Young Alumni Weekend, July 16-19
Since I can't go to annual All-Gaucho Reunion, I'm going to the Young Alumni Weekend instead! My bff Drama has graciously offered to put up our friends for a weekend that pretty much centers on booze:

Friday (7/16)
8 p.m.: Welcome Mixer
9 p.m.: Isla Vista Pub Crawl

Saturday (7/17)
1 p.m.: Santa Barbara Wine Festival
7 p.m.: Night on the Town in Downtown Santa Barbara

Not only should y'all be jealous of this, but you should be jealous that this is the campus where we went to undergrad:
Trip No. 2: College Cup, Dec. 10-12
Our beloved university of hosting the College Cup or the NCAA Championships for men's soccer this coming December. I've been planning on going since they announced UCSB would host a year or so ago. But Drama and I figured out that since my birfday is just two days before, we could celebrate the big 2-6, Santa Barbara style.

To make things even better, one of my friends worked for the NCAA, and said she'd get them to hook me up with four awesome tickets for my birthday present. Totes. Amazing. I cannot wait to be in this crowd:
Only 301 more days...

TMI Thursday: The One With Poop

2010-02-04T10:07:00.000-08:00

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!***

Flashback to two weeks ago when my bitches and I were in VEGAS. It was Day Three of our Friday-Monday trip, so it's safe to say that I had sufficiently pumped my poor 5-2 body as full of crappy food, sugar, oh and alcohol as it would take. Turns out, more than it could take.

Let me preface the rest of this story by saying that my stomach had been upset all weekend because I apparently have the stomach of an 80-year-old who has issues when they're not getting their normal amount of food. I've also got two brothers, so I grew up in a house where farting was a competitive sport.

We had ~~just gotten some breakfast~~just forced down as much of a bagel and Frappacino that my stomach could muster, and had gotten some change to go play in the arcade because what 20-something doesn't like to play skeeball? As I was getting change for a $20 so I could try and win that huge stuffed pony, I farted.

No big, I thought. I fart at least 20 times a day. Boy was I wrong.

I knew that I would probably have to go No. 2 at some point in the near future, which I told my bff Drama because half of our relationship is based on poop discussions.

As we made our way towards the arcade, I realized that no, I would have to No. 2 right now so we made our way towards the bathrooms, the very place where I had barfed all over a stall just last May.

As we made our way towards the bathroom, I felt a little bit more damp down there than I normally do when I'm around friends as hot as mine. I went back to the fart. It had been a little more uncomfortable than they normally are.

"Holy shit," I thought to myself. "Did I just poop my pants?"

I broke into a run to make it to the bathroom, where I discovered that I had, in fact, sharted my pants.

I alerted Drama, who was playing slots nearby, that I pulled a grandma and had an accident so we'd need to delay playing games downstairs. As I texted her from 20 feet away, I almost fell off the toilet from convulsing with laughter.

I then spent the better part of 30 minutes trying to get everything out of my system so that it wouldn't happen again. After I put my bowels through exercises like my muscles hadn't seen in months, I met up with Drama to get the room key so I could go upstairs and change out of my poopypants.

I waddled to the elevator wondering if anyone could tell I had sharted. There were some kids my age in the elevator, and one of them tried to make conversation as we all got off on the 21st floor. I was having none of it. I just had to get to my room.

After what seemed like years, I made it. I quickly found a suitable replacement, wrapped my dirty diaper in tissues and then in a plastic bag so I could deposit it like any other piece of nondescript Vegas trash in the nearest receptacle outside of our room.

I then met up with Drama, and we got some beer. Because nothing makes 80-year-old stomach in a 20-something feel better than some beer. Who needs ginger ale and Saltines when you can have beer?

Wordless Wednesday

2010-02-03T08:54:00.000-08:00

Holy Crap...or the Three Horsemen of the Apocalypse

2010-02-02T14:13:00.000-08:00

Today, in the span of about five minutes, I realized that the world is, in fact, ending.

Horseman No. 1: Vapid Girl Is Preggers.
This airhead who lived with us in the dorms for a couple months in 2003, got married over the summer. We all couldn't believe she found someone who could put up with the vapid things that fly out of her mouth, but alas, she found the Nick Lachey to her Jessica "is this chicken or is this tuna" Simpson. She lives in SoCal, so I don't have to deal with her. But oh, she is pregnant. Not only did she find someone to marry her, but also have sex with her without a condom.

Just what the world needs, another airhead.

Horseman No. 2: New Study Shows Abstinence Education "Works"
According to a new study, which is published here by CNN so it has to be slightly legit (no? please no), claims that abstinence-only education program is more effective than other initiatives at keeping sixth- and seventh-graders from having sex within a two-year period.

The details on this study are slightly fuzzy and non conclusive, and a well-rounded sex education class is best and better than nothing. But as an avid advocate of birth control, sex education and the having of sex before marriage, this is disheartening for many reasons.

1.) People agree with Sarah Palin.

2.) Sixth and seventh graders are having sex.

Horseman No. 3: We Should Have Had Babies in High School
According to another new study, by the time women are 30, most of them only have 12 percent of their egg reserve left. Meaning, it's possible that it's even harder than we thought to get pregnant as we get older. Meaning, maybe we should all pull a Vapid Girl and get pregnant now while we still can? Let's all forget about working on careers like the modern working women we are and get back in the kitchen where we belong? At least we don't have to wear shoes in that situation. Too bad for me because I'm dating a man who grows a ginger beard, and I can't be having no ginger babies. I know doctors can test for diseases when you're preggers, can they test for gingerism?

Buy Me a Car?

2010-02-02T11:40:00.000-08:00

All of the car drama that happened last week came to a head (haha, head), on Sunday morning. I kind of knew it was coming, but my parents waited until the last second to let me know that they were coming by Sunday evening to pick up my mom's car that I had been driving while "my" car got worked on at home.

Somehow, out of the four cars my family has for four licensed drivers and one permit-driver, one is working. One needs to go to the body shop to get the fender replaced, the engine light came on in another and my dad thinks it's the transmission, "my" car is still in the shop awaiting expensive parts, and then there's the car I was driving that actually is working. So, sadly, I gave that car back to my dad because he had to, you know, go to work. I'm now one of the commoners. A public transportation person. Woe is me.

My dad is convinced that my car is dunzo and we should just sell it while we can and recoup some money so that I can get a new or used car!

On Friday night, in between eating pizza, jizzing over/laughing at Harry Potter and coloring in my coloring books, Kik da Sneak was kind enough to 'splain me how car financing works and what kind of car would be best for me.

Since I only got my permit a year ago, I lack the basic ability to tell which cars are which brand/make, and why they're good or not so much. But after talking with the boy, Kik and my friend Smelli, who has a Honda Civic, I'm thinking that one of these cars might fit me best:

Honda Civic:
Toyota Yaris:Nissan Versa:
Basically, I need a car that has the following things:
-Power locks/power windows
-Cruise control (I drive too fast w/o it)
-Good gas milage (duh)
-Four doors (I refuse to have two doors, it's unpractical)

Anyone have any suggestions? What do you drive?

VEGAS! According to other peoples' pictures

2010-01-30T13:28:00.000-08:00

Omg, Vegas was amazing. Here are some pictures that I didn't take to prove it.

Friday:
Drama and I arrived in the afternoon, and immediately got to boozing, so by the time the rest of the girls got there, this was the situation:
On the way to the Palms, we got into a car that just absolutely reeked of weed, and the cab driver had the giggles to boot. That all changed when I apparently told my friend Ginger (middle)
that I would eat her pussy later, and the cabbieman's mood got markedly rude, and he tried to rip us off on cab fare.

We went to several places at the Palms, including Ghost Bar:
We also went to Rain, and danced our high heeled shoes off until we couldn't take it anymore. My signature dance move for the night was to wave my head/hair around in a hyphy fashion:
After what seemed like a billion hours, we cabbed it back to Excalibur, where we stayed. The other ladies were able to figure their lives out and go back out for some food, gambling and more booze, but I passed out. Correction: I threw up (in the toilet, success!) and passed out.

Saturday:
Went to the Hofbrauhaus and drank beer:
After I waited a billion hours to be able to do 30 minutes of work before heading out, we finally made it out to Haze at the new Aria/City Center place:
Where I also practiced my Blue Steel:

I forgot to mention, it was a Katy Perry party so she performed two songs for us:
She is pretty much the hottest chick I've ever seen. Massive girl crush right now.

Sunday:
It was just Drama and I left after everyone else went home, so we walked around, did some day drinking, and I dropped $50 at Margaritaville to support my inner Parrothead:
Then we did some more drinking. A little bit of eating, too. And ended up at Coyote Ugly at New York, New York, where we were jizzing our hetero pants over this bartenderchick:
All in all, it was quite awesome! Wooooot!

Hot Mess, Party of One

2010-01-27T09:56:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was pretty much one of the biggest shit show of hot messes that I've ever had the pleasure of experiencing. In the words of Shaun Brumder's mom, it was "one shit storm after another." Because misery loves company, welcome to my Tuesday:

Hot Mess No. 1: I'm Sick
I had a sore throat before Vegas and then a three-day bender, you know, just made things worse. Now I've got a sore throat, hyperactive nose, cough, soreness and super tired. To compound matters, after a three-day bender, you're bound to be slightly depressed. My 5-2 frame can only support so much liquor and beer. Oooh, I could go for a mimosa.

Hot Mess No. 2: The Bears Can Smell the Menstruation
Coming down off the end of that time of the month.

Hot Mess No. 3: Car Woes
So I've been driving my mom's Camry while my parents get some work done on the Eagle (which is an 1990 four-door car made my Jeep that isn't made anymore, just think 1990 Camry) that my great aunt gave our family last October and we finally got it registered in my name on New Years Eve. The plan has been for me to eventually trade the Camry for the Eagle, which is legally mine now, once my dad feels it's safe to drive.

Well I talked to my dad last night and he said I'm going to have to give the Camry back because the Eagle may or may not be on its death bed. Apparently it died on them on the way to work the other day and it had to be towed to our local repair shop. They thought it needed an electrical part, so they put that in ($250) and then were test driving it around when it died, again, and had to be towed, again, to the local repair shop.

Apparently, it needs yet another part ($350), but that then the repairman will think it should run for another 1000 miles. The repairman happens to be my dad's cousin by marriage and I used to babysit his kids, so we totally trust him and have been coming to him for years. So then my dad's going to drive it a little longer but then we are most likely going to have to trade. If my dad thinks that the car is totes dunzo, they're going to try and sell it and recoup some of the money and possibly give it to me as a down payment for something else.

Good News:
1. The Eagle didn't stall on me while I was driving because I would have pooped my pants for the second time this week (check back for a most excellent TMI Thursday). Can you imagine if it had stalled going through the tunnel or on 24? I wouldn't know where to take it because I don't have a relationship with any car-men here and don't know nothing about no dang cars.

2. My dad is a very reasonable person and I am his favorite. I think he's willing to work something out.

Bad News:
1. I cannot live without a car. I technically "can" take BART to work, but I don't want to. It's a waste of time and money and is annoying as all hell. Plus, I need to go places like the grocery store or the porn shop, or my boyfriend's.

2. My parents need that car to get to work, and my ungrateful, no-job brothers go to school in Sacramento, so they need a car for that.

3.a. I've still got a credit card bill that I need to pay off that needs to be factored in to the decision to get a loan from the bank or my parents to get a car.

3.b. I know nothing about cars and everything related to them can be very overwhelming.

4. I feel so badly that my dad is putting all this money into the car. But I guess you have to try to make a car work.

So not only did I burst into tears with my dad on the phone (see Hot Mess No. 1 and No. 2, I wasn't thaaat upset), but after I finish retelling the story to the Boy, I burst into tears again.

And cue...

Hot Mess No. 4: The Boy Saga Continues
I'm not sure exactly how it came up but something along the lines of "I don't want to tell you everything" came up in discussing all of this with the Boy, and I went into panic attack/body-wracking sob/my life is falling apart mode (see Hot Mess Nos. 1-3). He can't tell me things? How is this ever going to work? We went on a break towards the beginning of the year, and had a small notsomuch fight as a discussion about showing affection/how much you care, anyways, I thought we were all good. Apparently homeskillet hasn't exactly recovered from when we were on break, and I had been really critical of him.

Anyways, I reassured him that I didn't think like that anymore, and that I love him, but that it shouldn't be this hard for two people to be together, to which he agreed. He also confessed that he’s never felt this way about anyone before, not even close, and that incredible feeling can be very overwhelming and scary sometimes, to which I told him I completely, 112 percent agreed and felt the same way. He also acknowledged that he has always been a very reserved person and that he doesn’t tell people things because it allows him to be defensive and not vulnerable.

Since his job is more consuming than mine, he hasn't had a lot of time to make new friends out in California, which is not his nativeland, so I make up a lot of his life out here, which is good and bad. I'm kind of in the same boat as him, but not as much. So we kind of discussed how neither one of us wanted to be with each other because there wasn't anything else going on in the social end, but that because we wanted to be together.

So that whole discussion and thought of us not working, naturally, sent me into a whole other round of sobs, and cue hot mess No. 5, and by this point, I wasn't so much a hot mess, but rather a complete and utter disaster.

Hot Mess No. 5: Grief City
After losing my two grandmas and my great aunt (who bequeathed her car and was like my third grandma), all within a solid six-month period, I've been in a constant state of grief, and it's been hard this past month. And since I had been crying for the better part of two hours by that point, this stuff factored in, as it has for the past month.

Hot Mess No. 6: Office Space
It's no secret to those who talk to me for more than 10 minutes that I'm not the hugest fan of my job. The hours are shitty, the work is not super challenging and there is no appreciation. There are parts of it I really do like, which is good, and I work and have had the extreme pleasure of working with some of the most amazing co-workers. The whole car + economy + I don't really know what I want to do with my life thing makes the prospect of buying a car even that much worse.

Hot Mess No. 7: Mommy Dearest
My mom was still at work when I had talked to my dad, but I talked to her after the Boy and I had been discussing everything above, read: emotionally exhausted. She was not as understanding as my dad, which made the entire situation seem even worse.

In conclusion...
-There's nothing I can do about the car situation right now except look into loans and get an estimate on how much some used cars cost.

-The Boy was great throughout the whole thing, so incredibly great. Handing me Kleenex, rubbing my back, letting me crawl into his lap like a sobbing three-year-old.

-I wasn't drunk when this happened. The last time I completely fell apart on him was after two of the three deaths had occurred when my friend and I had each had more than a bottle of wine. I didn't need to be drunk to talk about this stuff with him or to completely fall apart. Lies, I drunk cried the shit out of the poor Boy at my third grandma's memorial after I had consumed at least a bottle or more of champagne. But anyway, growth, perhaps?

-Did I mention he's great?

-The idea of not being with the Boy scares the poop out of me (again, more on that for a TMI Thursday), but with all that love around, something good has got to come out of it.

-I've still got a job, which gives me money. I don't need to buy so many fluffy dresses and I should be watching my money better. I organized an office potluck for today so hopefully our office can be more fun, and then work can not be a place where I want to jump out of the window, at least some of the time.

-My hair looks great today.

Musical "Monday"

2010-01-26T12:04:00.000-08:00

Since today's my "Monday" because I was coming back from the glorious Vegas yesterday, I thought I'd share this song that has been on repeat on my iPod for the past two weeks - "Put It In a Love Song" by Alicia Keys ft. Beyonce.

Super catchy song plus, what girl doesn't like to be woo-ed and appreciated by her man?

Viva Las Vegas

2010-01-20T12:57:00.001-08:00

In exactly 47 hours, I will be getting (knock on wood, haha wood) off a plane in Las Vegas. Already drunk. I cannot wait.

I'm meeting some of my best friends from the good ole college days for four days in Sin City.

It will look something like this:

Love Harder

2010-01-20T10:59:00.000-08:00

Our Plea:

Our friend Brandy is a brilliant writer, a wonderful teacher, and a generous friend. She and I both have an innate love of West Wing and everything Josh Lyman. And she is in love with a man who has just been diagnosed with multiple myeloma.

We are raising money for the Multiple Myeloma Research Fund in his name. For the price of a cinnamon dolce latte, half-caf, hold the whip, you can be part of an effort to cure a disease that affects approximately 750,000 people worldwide.

http://www.loveharder.org

Every dollar brings us a dollar closer to a cure. And every donation brings a sliver of hope to a girl who needs all the hope she can get.

Love Harder,

Wheels

What You Can Do:

Give. Be part of a worldwide effort to cure a disease that affects approximately 750,000 people worldwide. Every dollar helps.

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The American Institute of Philanthropy recently named The Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation one of the best organizations to give to in terms of their accountability and use of resources. By working closely with researchers, clinicians and partners in the biotech and pharmaceutical industry, the MMRF has helped bring multiple myeloma patients four new treatments that are extending lives around the globe. The MMRF has advanced twenty Phase I and Phase II clinical trials. They need your support to advance these clinical research programs and accelerate the development of better, more effective treatments. The MMRF’s Multiple Myeloma Genomics Initiative recently became the first to sequence the multiple myeloma whole genome in its entirety. A whopping 98% of your donation to the MMRF will be used immediately to support high-priority multiple myeloma research. With diminishing funding for early stage drug development and the next myeloma treatments not expected to be approved until 2011, the MMRF desperately needs your help!

An Open Letter to the Doucebags at Victoria's Secret

2010-01-19T10:11:00.000-08:00

Dear Douchebags at Victoria's Secret,
For Christmas, I was given a gift card to your fine establishment. At the time, I was stoked to find a bra that actually fits me well, some non VPL (that's visible panty line) underpants or maybe even some hot lingerie. My excitement lasted a solid two minutes into your store. It took me that amount of time to find out that your store is the headquarters of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee.

The majority of your bras involve the pushing up or padding of breasts. The majority of your lingerie caters to those women who posess a B cup or smaller. Well, as someone who is naturally endowed with a large C/D cup, I do not want to purchase undergarments that do any of the following:

a.) Make my boobs so huge they look fake.

b.) Get strangled by my own boobs.

c.) Turn my C/D killer rack into an E.

d.) Be relegated to the less cute bras because they don't have padding.

e.) Not be limited in my choice of bras or lingerie because they don't fit my naturally awesome rack.

Kthanxbye,
Wheeler

My Life According to TwitPics

2010-01-14T10:57:00.000-08:00

Despite being a writer by trade, stringing together sentences has proved especially hard for me so I thought I'd tell y'all about my life for the past 10 days through a series of TwitPics. Plus, I've lost my camera cord and have a buttload of pictures stuck on the camera. Sorry if this is a repeat for my devoted Tweople.

New Year's Day:
After sleeping til about 3 p.m., I woke up to five texts from my mom. Two were the same and then there were three pictures texts of my mom. Impressive considering they most likely took her an hour.
Monday:
Went home to my hometown to watch Boise State kick some serious butt. Ain't no road like the road home:
Let my mom talk me into going to the gym before consuming massive amounts of blue cheese dip and baked ziti. I'd gym all the time if I had a treadmill with a TV on it!!!

Tuesday:
Ran a bunch of errands. Because I can. Because I have a car now (more on that later). But I braved the Pleasant Hill library, which mildly looks like a prison:
Found a book I've needed for my whole life:

Wednesday:
Spent the better part of the day laying in bed. It was really comfortable and it was my last day of vacation. Plus peep my new comforter:
Friday:
Drove to work for the first time by myself. In a car. That I drive. I bought a parking permit and jizzed myself...or at least was really excited:
Saturday:
Drove down to San Luis Obispo to hang out with my cousin and bff from UCSB. All the good pictures are on the aforementionedcordlesscamera, but we went wine tasting!
We also relived some college memories by stealing no less than 20 packets/tubs of the best sweet and sour sauce known to man:
I remembered to buy a wine opener at the AM/PM so that we could open the Two-Buck Chuck that I packed, but the wine was impossible to open. It took us 20 minutes and we had some cork in our plastic flutes, but we got one of the two bottles open:
Monday:
Went to the grocery store and successfully proved how healthy I eat sometimes:
Wednesday:
Proved yet again to the Boy how awesome and domesticated I am by making dinner - Caribbean Jerk marinated/cornmeal and cheese covererd tilapia, rice and broccoli:

Today:
Packed a Lunchable - for adults!!!

In short, I'm awesome. Hooray!

Oh Old People

2010-01-14T10:44:00.000-08:00

Since some people still consider me the intern or because no one deigns to answer the main line, I'm stuck answering the main line at work. Lucky for me, that means I get to deal with all the weird people - fans, dumb media members and old people who don't know nothing about them darn compuders.

Or people who look like this:

Anyways, after winter break (hooray furloughs), I checked the main line and amongst the normal requests, there were two entertaining messages.

The first: Slow down, I didn’t hear a damn thing of what you’re saying. I’m calling the media dept to find out…I guess you don’t have media guides anymore. If the reason is you talk so fast I can’t even understand you. Bye.

That was it. No phone number for me to call him back to tell him why he's a douchelord while I talked really fast. No name for me to call him instead of douchelord. Never mind it's my voice on the main line.

The second: Huh. I guess I’ll have to call back. That is not very good service for your office.

Well, doucelord, I can't really call you back when you don't leave a message.

This is one of my more important reasons for dating/marriage/procreating - so that I can have grandkids to call places for me when I'm old and inept.

At least I listened to them when I was all zen from break. Oh old people.

How NOT to Act at Your Office Holiday Function

2009-12-11T14:40:00.000-08:00

The holiday part for our entire athletic department was last night, and while I did not attend that one, I did co-organize a lunch and white elephant exchange for my office today. Since many other people are attending in the near future work holiday (not Christmas, lest you upset someone) parties, I thought I'd advise you on what NOT to do. All of these are true stories and occurred at our office or department-wide parties.

Gift Exchanges:
If you forget to get something, don't bring candy no one wants. Would you want to eat the brick of fruit cake or some God-awful candy you brought? I didn't think so. Take the $10 allowance for the exchange, and go to Starbucks to get something that would actually get stolen.

If you can't figure out in a group of seven people who brought what, you're an idiot. Go ahead and just quit because you're clearly not fit to work. If you can't figure out who brought the nacho cheese sauce despite that person laughing hysterically when it's opened, you're still an idiot. If you want everyone to know how dumb you are, ask who brought that.

Sit-Down or Small-Group Meals/Gatherings:
If you have too much work to do, don't go or come late/leave early.

If you have to take a phone call/arrange an interview with a student-athlete/media member during the lunch/party, then take your call where someone can't hear you. Sometimes you have to work, but we don't all have to hear about it. Also, don't "regale" us with the entire story about which reporter needs to talk to which player. We don't care.

Do not sit and look at your phone for the entire lunch. You may be important but your coworkers don't appreciate it. If you're awkward, just sit there, don't look at the phone. To quote a co-worker - "Turn off your phone for five minutes. The world will not stop turning if you don't answer an e-mail right away."

Miscellaneous:
Don't pre-party for the holiday party. Not gonna lie, I learned this one the hard way. I fell into a bush.

You're not going to a barn-raising. Leave the mom jeans at home.

You're not going to a club. If you want people to be singing "you' a ho" to you all evening, then by all means, wear that shorter than short skirt.

Point Me:
I went home with this most excellent white elephant gift:
And the space heater I got was the only gift (besides the apron I stole from my boss) that got stolen. Woot. I rule.

My iPod Is Smarter Than You

2009-11-20T10:37:00.000-08:00

As I regaled y'all with the seven stages of grieving that I went through in the span of 30 seconds yesterday after my iPod died, I went straight to the Apple store last night to get a new one. I've been falling deeper and deeper in love with ever since. The more I learn about all its features, the more I love it, and the more I realize that my iPod is smarter than you. Seriously. It's smarter than your mama, too...check out some of what it does:

Voice Memos
You can record notes to remind yourself to pick your butt, pick up some Natty at the store or to Facebook stalk that hot guy.

Radio
It has a full FM tuner and you can program stations. Sooo great for when I get sick of my music. Plus, you can pause live radio and catch up with it like a DVR.

Pedometer
Once I get off the fat ass train, this might come in useful

Video Camera
I don't know how much I'll end up using this, but it's still awesome that there's a video recorder in such a small device.

Speakers
I can play music w/o headphones because it has a speaker in it. Soo amazing.

I've been listening to Christmas music all day long because a Bay Area radio station is now playing it 24/7. Pure.Bliss.

Thankful Thursdays - Picture Texts

2009-11-19T17:21:00.000-08:00

I'm starting a new awesome day-themed/titled weekly blog entry to remind myself to stop and smell the roses. This week's thing that I'm for is getting a picture text.

My grandma on my dad's side passed away Friday, marking the third grandparent (my great aunt included because she was like a third grandma) to pass away in the last six months. After the funeral and reception Monday, my mom and brothers went home to Farm Country while I went to my home in Yuppy Creek.

About an hour later, I got this picture text from my brother:
"Cosmo went to a funeral today, too."

Nothing says "lighten the mood" like a fuzzy creature dressed up in human clothes.

Dream a Little Dream of Me...Or Not.

2009-11-19T17:00:00.000-08:00

I had two of the most vivid, weirdest, unpleasant dreams in awhile last night/this morning. Instead of actually coming up with something new and creative, I figured I'd let my subconscious tell y'all a couple stories.

Dream One: Shotgun Wedding
I don't know if it was because I was pregnant or what, but the boyfriend and I were getting married. It was completely rush job in my parent's front yard. I was going to wear a red dress, instead of a white one. It looked like this - only red, and with sequins/sparkly things:
Our marriage certificate was like a plague you get from a sports team and it had been left in the middle of the street for some reason.
I was bugging because we didn't have food ordered and the cake was small. It was really the cake that sent me into a dizzy in the dream, because I was like so much for that cake I've always dreamed about (which is funny because I haven't dreamed about the cake), and I realized that my dream wedding wasn't happening.

The boyfriend was completely bugging, and I couldn't tell if it was bc he was just nervous or bc he didn't actaully want to marry me, ever. So myself and someone else, I dont know who, were trying to order a cake and I was having a meltdown and then I woke up.

I guess it was because the boyfriend and I had been discussing the possibility of moving in together before bed. It's funny bc my dream wedding dress looks more like this:

Dream Two: Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned
In between waking up from the alarm and snoozing, I had a dream that I was a crazy person. And a murderer.

The guy I liked or was married to or something fell in love with another girl and got said other girl pregnant.

What's a girl to do? So I got in my jeep and stalked them out in the woods. He got on the roof of the car, and I pulled out a chainsaw and cut thru the roof of the cheap to saw him in half.

Why he didn't jump off the car when he saw the chain saw poke through, I dont know.

Then the babymamawhore was by the driver's saide window so I chainsawed her head off

and then I woke up.

I blame that one on watching "Glee" before bed. Though that show is far less violent so I blame growing up with two younger brothers.

The end.

FML - iPod Edition

2009-11-19T12:42:00.000-08:00

Today started out like any other day at work. I sat down, logged onto gchat, thought about doing some work. I went to plug in my iPod to listen to my November playlist, which was essentially the new Miranda Lambert CD that I've been listening to on repeat, and my iPod started clicking.

It sounded like the hard drive in the iPod was going so slowly or getting stuck on something instead of whirring peacefully around to give me my tunes. Then I got the dreaded unhappy face:

And then I went through the seven stages of grieving...

1.) Shock and denial: No, this can't be happening to me. This has to be is a joke my iPod is playing on me.

2.) Pain and guilt: No, noooot meee!!! No, not again!!! My life is over if I can't have music! Maybe if I hadn't have dropped it? Taken better care of it?
3.) Anger and bargaining: I only got it in June 2007, why is it broken already?? Freaking Apple, always trying to stick it to the consumer. They better give me a new one for free!!!
4.) Depression, reflection, lonliness: I have no reason to live, I can't afford a new one. All of my beloved music was on there, that can never ever be replaced.
5.) The upward turn: Maybe I could get a new one? I could get a Nano instead. They're purdy.

6.) Reconstruction and working through: There's an Apple store where I live that I can go to tonight. Perhaps I could charge the new iPod.

7.) Acceptance and hope: There's nothing I can do until tonight at the Apple Store. If I get a Nano, then I can get the Nike+ so I might actually get up off my fat ass an go to the gym.

Now...which one to get:

A Nano:

A Touch: Hella cool games, would be good for BART, plane/train rides but it's more money and I already have a BlackBerry.

A Classic: Holds hella music, more expensive, prolly dont need that much room.

I think I'll go with Nano...but what color?

My New Crush

2009-10-11T18:52:00.001-07:00

I've got a massive new crush...on Eric Berry of the Tennessee football team. Check out this most amazing Heisman campaign video. It's got the dance team, a UT basketball player rapping and Eric "hot and hella good at football" Berry.

Wheeler's Weekend Update

2009-08-24T11:54:00.000-07:00

Had a pretty awesome summer weekend in my hometown. You should pretty much be jealous. Per tradition, I went to the California State Fair with the "Sister," and it was awesome people watching time.

I think people as a whole have gotten fatter. There were way more people in wheelchairs with no visible broken legs and a lot heavy people.

I drove to Sacramento for the first time ever! There were no near or real accidents! Merging wasn't even thaaat scary. I did, however, have to reallign in a parking spot a good three times before I got it. Oh well. Some interesting things we saw...

They had an interesting collections display. One lady collected cat whiskers. No. Freaking. Joke. Also no joke, this crazy cat lady lives with like 100 cats. No joke.
There's a stage near a lot of the food, and these kids were performing. They sang some Miley Cyrus and the usual kids stuff before it got weird. They were talking about how someone gave it all up for us. Who could that be? Oh yeah, Jesus. Then they were talking about some dude called David in some book called the Bible and how he danced like nobody was watching. So they sang a song about "Dance Like David." I'm all for dancing and Jesus and stuff, but singing made up/non Church songs is weird:
The "Sister" tells Ahnald to talk to the hand because he messed up our state:
The swings from Neverland! Creeeepy:
Fresh mozzeralla = jizztastic:
The ferris wheel (and a slide):
This painting was on the ride called Idol, as in American Idol. I don't think this ho should be any idol for the kids on this ride:
A lovely gem found in the parking lot:
It was my mom's birthday or something, so we went out to eat Saturday and it was awesome.

My parents have been married almost 25 years and they are totes adorable (seen here opening presents):
Our family dog may be the prettiest dog ever:
Our family is slightly trashy. See our oven:
I may have cracked up over this at Borders. I've got a smart box, too. But it's my cooter, not whatever this thing is:
I went shopping and got some new clothes, including:
Booo Mondays!

Musical Monday

2009-08-17T10:57:00.000-07:00

Let's face it, Mondays suck. Especially when you work Saturday and Sunday. But fun music makes everything better. Back in high school, SheDAISY was all the rage. It's a country girl band that kind of sounds poppy. I'm totally jizzing my pants over this song b.c. my man has ocean blue eyes, just like the dude in the song. Plus it's peppy.

The Sixth Horseman of the Apocalypse

2009-08-11T09:13:00.000-07:00

So I love country music. Being from farm country, I listened to it since hella. But, sometimes, even I can't even stand it. I saw this video (that won't let me embed it), the other day on CMT, and could hardly believe it was an actual song and was getting air time. Here are some of the lovely lyrics of the Trailer Choir's "Rocking the Beer Gut"

Five foot something, cherry bomb she had everything going on
The first thing that caught my eye
She was rockin’ the beer gut and I love the way she’s not ashamed
Rockin’ the beer gut well it’s just some extra love around her waist
Rockin’ the beer gut she’s more than hot, she’s everything and with the blue jeans a little tight around her butt

Oh yes. A song about a girl with a beer gut. I freaking love beer. But writing a song all about it? Way to perpetuate every single stereotypes about country music.

It gets better.

This morning, I heard "Eight Second Ride" by Jake Owen with these "amazing" words:

And she said hey boy, do you mind takin me home tonite?
'cuz I aint never seen a country boy with tires on his truck this high
I said climb on up but watch the cup that I spit my dip inside
And hold on tight cuz its gonna be wilder than any 8 second ride

The song goes on to say how they do it in the bed of his truck, but come on, what girl in her right mind would get with a guy who chews? Well, I guess a lot of girls in the South. But this Northerner was not amused. I love you country music, but come on!

Rock the Bells Concert and People Judging Review

2009-08-10T10:33:00.000-07:00

Omg. Kik da Sneak and I spent all of our Sunday in Mountain View at Rock the Bells, an all-day music-jizz-fest. For those of you who don't wait on pins and needles for my Twitter updates, it was amazing. The main attraction for me was Damian Marley, but there were hella other bands/artists there, too, such as Nas, Big Boi, Busta Rhymes, the Roots and more.

Big Boi, of Outkast fame, was awesome. I definitely knew more of his stuff (because he was did a bunch of Outkast songs) and he was really entertaining and fun to listen to. Busta was really dissappointing, sadly. He repeatedly stopped his songs 30 seconds into them, not cool, man.

Damian Marley and Nas were the headliners, and they performed separarately and together, and it was freaking amaaaazing. Totally worth the $26 for lawn seats, just for those two alone.

The people watching was also hilarious. The event drew all sorts of people - stoners, the hip-hoppers, hippies, rockers, tweens, old people, 20-somethings - you name it. Here are some of the best ones.

This cougar was sitting in front of us during Big Boi, and she was thoroughly enjoying herself and we were thoroughly enjoying ourselves while we watched her dance. Just picture your average cougar trying to dance to hip hop and you've got our friend:
There were far too many men/boys with rat tails/ponytails. Not cool, man. I know there's someone for everyone, but I don't understand chicks who date these guys. I wouldn't even be friends with them:
Another guy in front of us was definitely wearing manpris (capri pants for men). At first, we judged the manpris off of him, but homeskillet knew all the words to like every Big Boi, Busta and Roots songs so we had to give the dude some credit.

Also, he and his friends were our new heros for they not only snuck a water bottle of vodka in (something Kik and I could do in our sleep), but halfway through Busta, they pulled a tiny bottle of my boyfriend Jack out of the bottom of a Cheez-Its box. Loves it.

Overall, it was an awesome experience!

We also got two new awesome new shirts:

Oh Crap, Am I "That Girl?"

2009-08-03T22:07:00.000-07:00

"Boyfriend," I began timidly, not even sure I was going to bring this up. "I think I'm turning into 'that girl'...you know, that girl who has to be told by her boyfriend how much he likes her and how happy he is to be with her. That girl who's insecure and vulnerable. And it's pissing me the fuck off because I can't remember the last time I felt insecure about a dude."

These feelings of insecurity and vulnerability had been plaguing me for a couple of days. To be incredibly cliche about the whole thing, it was like a tug-o-war inside my head.

The normal, smart me was saying - Don't be a ruhtard, it's very obvious he likes you. Y'all are on vacation. People who just have lukewarm feelings don't do that. These past two months have flown by because they've been so amazing and you've never felt like this before.

The typical crazy girl, hormonal crazed me was saying - There's no way he likes you as much as you like him, you have every right to doubt this, I can't believe you didn't doubt this earlier. These past two months have flown by and this feeling is sure to fade fast on his or your end.

I'm thinking it's a very large combination of things...maybe....

~Maybe it's because I'm quite ~~possibly, disgustingly, completely over the top~~ with Boyfriend about how I feel, and he isn't as articulate in return.

~Maybe it's because one of my grandmas, who was supposed to be there to help me pick out a wedding dress, and my great aunt (like a third grandma) both passed within the past month and my other grandma has cancer that I feel a need (a self-placed one I might add, at least there's no familial pressure on that end) to settle down and have the four little Wheelers I want before any more important people in my life pass.

~Maybe it's hormones (stupid post-period moodiness).

~Maybe it's because things have been so great with Boyfriend that I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and for one of us to discover dealbreakers about each other.

~Maybe I enjoy a tidge of drama.

~Maybe it's because we were in Tahoe this past week, and even though we did way different things than the last boyfriend and I did in Tahoe last summer, in the back of my mind, I was wondering how many trips to Tahoe with boyfriends it would take to find one that would stick forever.

~Maybe it's because I thought the last boyfriend and I were going to get married (until the 2008 election) yet in retrospect (fucking 20-20 hindsight), there were many, many red flags and times I should have broken up with him well before I actually did, and I don't want to miss any of those with current Boyfriend.

~Maybe it's because I'm unhappy and lack control in other aspects of life, so I'm lashing out in something that I have some modicum of control over.

~Maybe it's because I didn't want to come back from vacation.

~Maybe it's because I'm so scared of how I feel/Boyfriend being so amangin that I'm actually not "that" insecure/vulnerable girl, but rather, "that girl" who sabatoges her relationship.

~Maybe it's because I'm looking for those three little words, which ruhtarded on so many levels. It's only been like two months, and I don't think "I love you" is a great signifier of feelings in my opinion. I love a lot of things and people - popsicles, ponies, my amazing besties, some pretty awesome co-workers, puppies, coffee ice cream, my hilarious family and "How I Met Your Mother" (my latest obsession). To me, it's the "I'm in love with you" that matters more. But to quote "HIMYM," maybe I'm just an I love you whore.

~Maybe it's because I see more and more people my age - high school "friends," college acquantiances and loves and everyone and their mother - getting what I want: the man of their dreams, a wedding, a marraige, kids, and I'm simply green with jealously. That, and I'd look hella better than all those bitches (besides Nessa) in a wedding dress anyways.

~Maybe it's not so bad at all because whenever I get too inside my head, he says exactly what I'm thinking, or sings all the words to my favorite Beatles or Fleetwood Mac song, or hell, just looks at me in a certain way with those amazing baby blues, and I fall a little harder for him. I choose that maybe.

Personal Growth

2009-08-03T10:47:00.000-07:00

I realized this weekend that I have grown ever so slightly as a person. It's like I'm an adult or something. How did I realize this? Because I didn't blurt out, "Oh you're the one with the tiny penis!" to my neighbor.

Let me rewind.

Someone owns this car in my apartment complex:
Aka a compensation car.

It's got an alumni license plate frame from the rival college of my man's. The boyfriend always gives it a dirty look when we see it in the parking lot. Yesterday, we're walking in from the parking lot and one of my neighbors says hello. The boyfriend was wearing his college's shirt and the neighbor goes, "Oh, did you go to that school? I went to your rival school." Boyfriend replies with a snarky, "I'm sorry."

And although I hella wanted to, I didn't yell out, "Oh, so YOU'RE the one with the tiny penis!"

Well, at least until the neighbor was out of eat shot.

I usually lack a filter on my yapper, so not saying commenting on my neighbor's minuscule manhood is a major step for me. Or minor like his penis.

Guest Post Time: Stranger Danger in Hiroshima!

2009-07-23T21:14:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! I'm finally getting around to posting the guest blog because I'm a slacker in all options of my life. But without further ado, here's Powered by Tofu! You can read my post that fits in with her blog over here! (It's about 10 Things I <3 About SB!)

Stranger Danger Rule #1: Don’t talk to strangers.
Stranger Danger Rule #2: Don’t accept candy from strangers.
Stranger Danger Rule #3: Don’t let strangers take your picture.
Well, all bets are off in Hiroshima. The town is disarmingly safe I guess. So safe that while my roomie and I were just sitting peacefully in the park, we managed to be approached by creepy, old photo guy and not only took the candy he offered (mothers everywhere, don’t worry, we didn’t eat it), and then agreed to pose for photos. And then he wouldn’t leave. And so I took his picture, just in case he did something creepy. About 5 minutes later we were like “what the hell was that all about?”, “why did we do that?”, and “Oh my God, we’re going to have our faces attached to dirty pictures on the internet!”, and “Oh my God, what if some people come to kidnap us later by using our photos to find us!” Alas, there was no harm, but if you ever find yourself in Hiroshima, Japan you just might see my picture on a call girl advertisement.

Five Horsemen of the Apocalypse

2009-07-20T10:25:00.000-07:00

So everybody's been saying the world is going end ever since it's begun. But, as of late, I've been thinking that our imminent demise, is actually...imminent.

1.) American Apparel is selling scrunchies.
Sure American Apparel has never really been known for having the prettiest looking things. They sell a lot of questionable things, but now they're marketing scrunchies.

2.) ABC Family is playing "Dirty Dancing" on repeat.
I have seen this movie no less than 50 times (no joke) so I'm always glad to see it on teeavea. But, is this really an appropriate movie for ABC Family. There's abortion, sex, uh hello dirty dancing! Not that those aren't most of the reasons I love that movie, but I just wouldn't my 10-year-old cousin watching it. She's got enough of a bad influence in her life from just knowing me, double that when we hang out.

3.) Jose Canseco is the smart one.
He is one of the only ones in baseball who has come out with the truth about his use of steriods. All the other meatheads who dope are playing dumb. Mark McGuire, Manny Ramirez, stupid ass Roger Clemens. All avoiding any kind of responsibility.

4.) Celebrity News These Months
I'm completely addicted to celebrity news, this much I know. But in the past couple of months, the headlines have been out of control: Kate Gosselin Shows Off Lighter Locks (A story about getting highlights, really?); Jon Gosselin's Ed Hardy Duds Show He Likes to "Take Risks" (Wearing Ed Hardy really just means you're a douchebag), Octo-Mom Drops Kids Off at School Late, and Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie Party in Cannes Until 1:45 am. These are not worthy news topics.

5.) Gay People Can't Marry But...
This person can marry her dog and this other chick can marry the Eiffel Tower. Really, world, really?

Santa Barbara Visit Recap

2009-07-20T09:46:00.000-07:00

I spent the weekend in gorgeous Santa Barbara! On the trip, I ...

May or may not have seen Jon Gosselin's car:

Saw Harry Potter! Whether it was the beer we had before or the wine we had during the movie, Drama and I couldn't stop laughing at all the sexual innuendo, most of which was completely over the top. I enjoyed all of the movie except for the end because they blatantly made shit up. At the end, someone dies and everyone from Hogwarts holds up their wands like they're at a freaking rock concert. Not cool, man.

Saw the funniest wine/beer list ever:

Visited with Drama and her parents at the Ventura Harbor:

Did a nine-hole pub crawl and did not die:

Some of the group at the last stop:

Two of us wore skorts and had a lot of fun with them:

Caught up with a bunch of friends along the pub crawl and the weekend, which was really nice. Hooray for staying friends with my fellow Gauchos!

Before the last stop of the pub crawl, Drama and I decided that getting tattoos would be a good idea. I got the California Poppy (left) and she got a rose (right):

We had almost got them (soberly) the night before but didn't so it was slightly premeditative. Huuge kudos to Di the Spy for holding my hand as I squeezed like a baby because it hurt like a mofo and talking to me the whole time!

Weekend Update With Wheeler

2009-07-13T10:27:00.002-07:00

Overall, I had a great weekend, and I've got the pictures to prove it! Well, it was great except for the two meals that came back to haunt me. Cheese and I are not getting along very well right now, and it pains me because I love cheese like a fat kid loves cake. That's an understatement. I love cheese like tweens love Robert Pattinson and that Twilight crap.

Friday night, I headed down to Hayward to see Kik da Sneak for some Mexican food. She gave me two most awesome presents:
(except the background is orange instead of pink)
And the best hat I've ever seen and cannot wait to wear every single day for the rest of my life:
The best part of the hat can we seen from behind:
Kiki picked me up in her brand new and totally awesome Mazda 3. After dinner, I felt totally neasuseated but was holding it together more or less as we set off for the wonderful world of Kmart to pick up some electronics. As soon as we got there, I made sure we bee-lined it for the bathroom, where I proceeded to barf up all of dinner, and most likely some of my lunch.

It was a new low and a new high. I was so impressed with myself for making it to the bathroom, not getting any barf on me or having to kneel on the floor of a Kmart bathroom. Then again, throwing up in a Kmart bathroom is a new low for me as well.

Saturday, the new boy and I headed to the City for toursity exploration as he is not a NorCal native. First up was the farmer's market at the Ferry Building, where we saw this most excellent place. It's kind of hard to read but yeah, that says: tasty salted pig parts. Yum?
Walking up Market Street, we strategically (I'm a whiz with guide books) came across part of San Francisco history in this fountain, which is one of the oldest things in SF:
Next up was a trip through Chinatown, where we saw this most interesting piece of "art" that I could not help but laugh hysterically at the sexual innuendo, except they got the positive backwards, the dude's supposed to be in the back:
We also stopped by the Golden Gate Fortune Cookie Company to see them fold pieces of flat dough into fortune cookies. Totally awesome. They do it in one swoop - pick up the dough, fold it and bam, hello fortune cookie.
We stopped by Grace Cathedral, which was really big and pretty. Although there was a dude playing an organ that was scary as shit. I thought I was actually in Phantom of the Opera.
We had an amazing lunch/dinner in Little Italy...I had a most delicious four-cheese pizza (left) and he had an Italian calzone (right).
To close out the day, we went to Coit Tower - SF's ode to ~~the phallus~~ firefighters.
We're both too cheap to pay to go to the top, but the views from the ~~shaft~~ were awesome.
There was also an awesome water fountain for dogs:
The rest of the weekend was spent in bed, recovering from that four-cheese pizza. My life might be over if my stomach decides that it doesn't like cheese anymore. Literally over. No will to live without cheese.

The end.

The Real World Blows

2009-07-13T10:27:00.001-07:00

The other day at work, I ~~had a panic attack~~ came to the awful realization about the ~~shitty ass hell~~ hectic as hell schedule that is awaiting me in the fall. I have to work every weekend (although some of which can be done from home since they're away games) from Aug. 15 through Thanksgiving weekend. Additionally, football camp starts Aug. 8, so my summer may be cut even further short.

I knew very well how much non-9-5 work my job entailed when I took it two years ago, but it's just gotten harder as the months go by. Maybe the weekend games and late nights with practice during the week would be harder to swallow if I didn't feel I had been fucked over by recent sport reassignments.

It's no secret that this job seldom leaves me feeling personally satisfied or challenged or appreciated for all the hard work that my co-workers and I do or, as cheesy as it sounds, feeling like I've done something that actually makes a difference in the world. I just don't want to wake up when I'm 30 and realized I wasted my 20s away working practice until 9 p.m. on a Tuesday or a game that 50 people showed up for an two people read my recap of.

I suppose this is just further incentive to figure out my life (i.e. what I need to do to get into grad school/become a teacher, or what I'd rather be doing than teaching or working in my current position). I just wish someone could tell me or help me figure out what I'm supposed to be doing with my life because this "real world" thing is harder than it looks on the TV.

Part of me wants to quit at the end of next year and spend a year being a secretary or something to just enjoy life and work 9-5 and that's it. Leave work at work and have an actual life. Another part of me wants to quit everything and move to Lake Tahoe and waitress/be a lake bum/volunteer in a classroom before heading back to get my masters and become the best and hottest elementary school teacher ever.

In the meantime, I am grateful for a job. Woot?

Musical Monday

2009-07-06T14:34:00.001-07:00

Kik da Sneak shared this video with me last week - Damian Marley and Nas. It's just a clip of something new they're collaborating on but I'm excited!!!

It also reminded me to look for the next Damian Marley show because he's awesome and Kik and I are going to hit up Rock the Bells when it comes to the Yay. Woooot!